Sun Down
by legscheas
Summary: After James kisses Camille, Logan decides he's tired of being walked on. Enter new girl, she is everything Logan's not. But she might be more than he bargained for, & while Logan hates being pushed around, he's not sure he's ready to be a hero yet either.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I've really been wanting to write a Logan fic, so here it is. It's based of of the song by Charlie Simpson.

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><p>Sun Down<p>

**Chapter One **

_I can't feel empty anymore._

Logan couldn't sleep. He could only stare up at the ceiling, toss and turn in his bed. Something was bothering him and while he could act like everything was all right for the world, in reality, it wasn't. He had told James that things between them were fine. He wasn't mad about the whole deal with Camille and the kiss that went down, but Logan was passive, and not very aggressive. So he lied. To Logan, it just wasn't worth the fight. So he'd given up his girlfriend. James was bound to get around to her anyways; he really didn't know why he had been so surprised when Camille blurted it out. Maybe it wasn't surprise or shock, maybe it was just hurt. Accident or not, wasn't there a bro code? Hadn't James just crossed a line?

Logan turned on his side to stare out his bedroom window. Carlos lay sleeping soundly, lightly snoring a few feet away. He was deaf to conflict that Logan felt in his heart. But it wasn't a new feeling. It was the same feeling he got when he thought about leaving the band for med school. He didn't know what to do.

Logan sighed. He was tired of this. He was tired of being looked at as the weakest link, just because he was rational. He was tired of letting people walk all over him. When was the last time he got to sing lead in a song? When was the last time he did a project with a partner for school and all the work wasn't shoved in his direction? Hell, James had told Logan that he used his toothbrush and what did he do? Nothing. If it had been the other way around, though Logan would never do something like that, James would have done something violent, punched him in the arm or the jaw, maybe tackled him. But the serious part was that if Logan had kissed one of James's girlfriends, he'd have a black eye and get the silent treatment for weeks. Yet here Logan was, only a few days later and everything was just peachy keen between the three of them. James and Logan still best friends, Camille still pulling him in to the supply closet and having her way with him. All Logan could think was that things should be different. He was tired of who he was.

But how could he change? He'd gone sixteen years of his life being Logan Mitchell, semi-cute nerd, slightly sarcastic, uncoordinated, swag-challenged, all knowing and easy forgiving. In other words, people used his brain and did whatever they wanted to him because they knew he'd come around eventually. He didn't want that anymore. He wanted things to be different. He didn't want to lose James as his friend, maybe just punch him in the face so he knew that Logan wouldn't stand for it anymore. And if he didn't think Camille was going to be the only girl he'd be getting any from until they were actually famous, then he'd tell her that their hook-ups needed to stop. She was just using him for his dick anyways.

Things had to change for Logan, but he didn't know how, or where to even start.

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><p><strong>AN: **I promise the chapters will be longer than this. It's sort of like a prologue I guess. Hope it wasn't too bad. Stick around for chapter two when it's up, yeah? And for the record, Logan is way more than semi-cute.

Reviews, maybe?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **So, how was chapter one? If not terrible, I'm glad you're still here.

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><p>Sun Down<p>

**Chapter Two **

_Girl, I've seen your dreams and they were filled with darkness. _

Logan sat in the lobby of the Palm Woods with a book in his hands, glasses sitting low on his nose, and a cold smoothie on the table next to him. It was just a day, just an ordinary day, just like any other day at the Palm Woods. They were free until two, and then they had to head over to Rocque records. But there was time to kill until then.

Kendall and Jo were lounging by the pool, Carlos was scheming with Katie and James was in the lobby with Logan. Except he wasn't really with Logan. He sat a few feet away with the blonde Jennifer. They were "running lines" for her latest audition. But really, this was foreplay; everyone knew they were sleeping together. But, not everyone knew he was also sleeping with the other two.

James was a classic asshole. As cool as he could be, and as good of a friend that he was, except for the part where he went around kissing other people's girlfriends, James was just a really big douchebag. But Logan could still barely believe that he had kissed Camille. They were always just so friendly; there had been no hint of attraction on either end. But then again, James fucked anything that walked, and Camille got a little bit too into character.

James flopped down in the chair next to Logan. He didn't acknowledge him, he didn't have to, James always made himself known. He looked to Logan and said, "What are you reading?"

"To Kill a Mockingbird."

"Dude." James said, "you always read that fucking book."

Logan looked lazily to James, "it's my favorite."

"I don't know how you can read when there is so much action going on in the lobby."

Logan set his book down on his knee and looked around the lobby. There was nothing going on. James was obviously delirious. "I don't see anything."

"Come on," James subtly pointed in the direction of Stephanie, "she's leaning over the table like that on purpose. She is intentionally showing off her cleavage. She wants James Diamond to swagger on over and show her a good time."

"Then get to swaggering." Logan told him picking his book back up. "No." James reached over and took the book from Logan's hand. "You can't read right now."

"What am I supposed to do then?"

"Go talk to a girl."

"James, it's been less than a week since I broke up with Camille. I think that I should have at least two weeks before you force me to start talking to chicks again."

"No." James said firmly, "no. the best way to get over a girl is to find another one."

"Easy for you to say." Logan growled, "I actually liked Camille. You had to go fuck things up."

James looked taken aback. Like Logan had finally just said the cold hard truth that James didn't want to hear. Well that's what James had done, wasn't it? He had fucked things up with Camille for Logan. It had taken him so long to actually get the courage to ask her out, and then, of course, James just has to fucking be James. Not everyone is as handsome or charismatic as him.

"Logan." James said, "I thought, I mean, you said-"

Logan internally groaned. "Yeah, we are, we're good. I'm just a little sore over the whole thing, it's whatever though."

"Logan, I'm sorry, you know it was an accident."

"Fuck you." Logan didn't actually say it. He wished that he did though; he wished that he had the balls to stand up to his own best friend. It wasn't like someone he should be afraid of kissed Camille, this was his best friend and he couldn't even say what he felt. At the moment, Logan felt pretty pathetic.

"It's okay." Logan told James.

James reached over and took Logan's glasses from off his nose and said, "Can I borrow these?"

Logan shrugged, "Go ahead, just don't break them."

He watched James do just as he said. He swaggered over to Stephanie and he saw Stephanie smile coyly, as if everything James has said was right, she wore her shirt that low cut to get his attention. Whether she had or not, it had gotten his attention and more likely than not, they'd meet up later that night. Logan felt bad for Carlos.

He stood up; watching James made him a little sick sometimes. Logan kind of believed that chivalry was still alive and well. He believed that relationships should be monogamous. Maybe his parents raised him old fashion, but he was taught that girls were fragile and they were to be handled with care. He knew that all the feminists of the world might disagree with him, but when it came down to it, women wanted to be treated right, and Logan believed that they should be. James was obviously not a believer.

He did a once over of the lobby, trying to find any reason to stay, but he didn't find anything until he saw her. She was headed right towards him too. Hair bouncing, hips swaying, legs long, strides confident, shoulders back, head held high, her Way-farers hid her eyes, and so cliché, a lollipop stuck in her mouth. Her skirt was too short, her shirt exposing too much, black bra, clearly visible through the thin white fabric. She had a book bag slung over her shoulder and a pair of Chuck Taylors clad on her feet. Logan felt his mouth go dry.

She stopped right in front of him and pushed her sunglasses up onto her head then took the lollipop from her mouth. She was tall; Logan only had an inch or two on her at most. "Hey." She said. Her voice suited her, it was silky and sultry.

"Hey." Logan managed.

""I'm kind of new here. Can you tell me where I can find whoever is in charge of the Palm Woods school?"

"Oh, yeah." Logan glanced over to Mr. Bitter's desk. "Well, Mr. Bitters is in charge of enrollment, but Miss Collin's class room is just around the corner, your first left. I can show you if you want." He was surprised he had even been able to tell her that. He should have been stuttering, stumbling over his words the way James did when they met Nicole Scherzinger.

Her dark blonde hair was shiny and fell in loose waves over her shoulders. Her skin was tan, kissed by the sun, and flawless. Her eyes smoky and green looked him over way too seductively. Her pouty lips smiled slightly and she said, "Thanks, I've got it from here."

Then she was gone. She turned on her heels, put her lollipop back between her lips and walked away from him. As she left her hair whipped and he caught a whiff of perfume and cigarettes. It was heavenly. Logan watched her leave, hips swaying, hair bouncing. He only had a single question, who was she?

If she was a model, she deserved to be, defined cheekbones, hollowed cheeks and eyes entirely too enticing. If she was an actress she was so alluring, and the cigarettes made her such a badass. She'd be an automatic favorite, strong-willed, the unlikely heroine in all of her roles. And if she was a singer, Logan longed to hear her voice, if it was anything as beautiful as her face; she'd be an instant success.

When the time came for all the boys to head over to the recording studio, Logan kept quiet about the new girl. If none of the other boys brought her up, Logan wasn't going to volunteer anything. The longer she was kept out of James's bird eye view, the better it was for Logan, though with a girl like that, Logan didn't stand a chance. She'd crush him, chew him up and spit him out. But hey, he might enjoy that.

James was telling Kendall about his plans with Stephanie later; Logan trailing behind was just close enough to hear about it. Carlos was nowhere to be found. Whether he'd gone ahead or was taking his time, Logan didn't know but he was glad that his friend wasn't there to listen to James. Ever since the ghost incident at the Palm Woods, Carlos had pretty much been head over heels with Stephanie. Well, it was a trade-off between Stephanie and the brunette Jennifer. He was in love with one on a certain day and in love with another the next. But James was about to take both of Carlos's dream girls to his bed. The brunette Jennifer was already there, but now Stephanie would be another one to add on to the list.

It made Logan wonder if James did it on purpose. Everyone thought James was stupid, but Logan knew, James wasn't stupid. Being underestimated gave James the upper hand, something he enjoyed having in all aspects of life. But could James really not see that Carlos liked both of those girls? It was so obvious. He said it every day. Maybe James just didn't take Carlos seriously; it was kind of hard to sometimes. Or maybe James was just out to sabotage. Was Jo the next one on his list? It was really hard to believe that James wasn't intentionally hurting his friends, but at the same time, it was hard for him to think that. James had always been everyone's wing man. He helped with girl trouble (when he wasn't causing it of course), he stayed up with Logan when he needed to study, went along with all of Carlos's idiotic schemes and backed Kendall up every step of the way, even when he and Carlos felt a little short. James was their best friend. He was also very driven, very motivated and self-centered. If he wanted something, he got it. James was probably more devious that Logan could fathom.

Logan shook himself. He was just over analyzing everything because he was still upset about James kissing his girlfriend. He'd get over it eventually. Everything would go back to normal and Logan would stop having these accusing thoughts and feelings towards James. It just might take a while. Trust was something to be earned in Logan's book, and James had a long ways to go before he got back to where he was in Logan's ranks.

"How long are we here today?" James asked Kendall. The blond shrugged and looked to Logan. "Till about seven."

Both boys groaned. But working with Gustavo wasn't as bad as everyone thought. Sure, he was loud, obnoxious, kind of mean and unappreciative, but it could be worse. They could still be back in Minnesota listening to James whine everyday about how badly he wanted to be famous. It was much better in Los Angeles. Now all they had to worry about was choking on all the Cuda man spray he wore.

"So we take what comes and we keep on going," Logan sang into the microphone. "Leaning on each other's shoulder. Then we turn around and seeing we come so far somehow."

The other's joined in for the chorus. Logan liked to sing. He always had, maybe just not as much as James or Kendall. But Logan had always known he sang alright. Now, singing with Big Time Rush, he was learning how to improve his vocals. He was kind of like a diamond in the rough. When they first got to L.A. no one had really expected much from him. He was the brain, not the talent. It kind of motivated Logan, he wanted to prove that he could be the talent too. He could be the complete package if he tried. He could shine too.

"Logan!" Gustavo roared, "You were off. Do it again."

He wanted to flip Gustavo the bird, because no, he wasn't off. Gustavo is just being an asshole. Logan was the only one who wouldn't fight him back. James would insist that he's perfect, Kendall would sass him and Carlos would do something obnoxious. Logan was the only one who just nodded his head, accepted the criticism.

He often pictured himself acting out, saying everything he'd ever wanted to say to all the people he'd ever wanted to say it to. He pictured himself getting violent, he pictured himself losing it and telling the world how he really felt. But he doesn't. He doesn't know why either. Bottling up emotions can be dangerous. He doesn't want to end up in a psychotic rage and killing everyone. But, maybe, it just wasn't worth it. Logan was who he was, people would give him the respect he deserved or they wouldn't. Whether they did or not, Logan didn't care. He was so apathetic.

Logan sang his part over. He did whatever Gustavo told him to.

When they finally got back to the Palm Woods, it wasn't quite dark yet, but the sun was going down. Camille found Logan almost as soon as they walked through the front doors. She grabbed his hand and pulled a little bit too hard, removing him from the lobby's eyes. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her slight body pushed hard up against him and her lips glued themselves to his. Logan placed his hands on her hips and pulled her closer to him. The fact that she was now his ex-girlfriend and kissed his best friend didn't really matter then, because everyone loved a good make-out session.

When they finally broke apart, Camille wiped her lips with the back of her hand and said, "We're having a bonfire tonight." Then she walked away.

Logan found his way back up to his to 2J just as the other three boys shirtless, in swim trunks and towels draped around their shoulders were heading out of the room.

"Hey, Logie," Carlos said, "hurry up, we're making s'mores with or without you."

Logan exchanged his jeans and polo for a pair of swim trunks and grabbed a towel from out of the bathroom closet. He said hi to Mrs. Knight before he headed out to the elevator. When the door opened, he froze.

The new girl stood there, a bored look upon her indescribably pretty face. She was changed out of her miniskirt and into a pair of unfathomably tight jeans. She was so thin. Her legs looked like sticks, almost to a point where Logan thought it might be unhealthy. She wore a cut, off the shoulder band t-shirt that was a little too short, showing off her tanned torso, just an inch or so of skin above her belt was exposed. Her hair fell in the same loose waves over one of her shoulders and her sunglasses from earlier sat atop her head.

Logan's legs wobbled as he stepped in. Their eyes met. Logan managed a smile, the corners of her full lips twitched upwards. He stood beside her, her scent intoxicating. Warm vanilla and cigarette smoke. Normally, Logan found girls that smoked a turn off, but this girl, this girl was too much.

His mind raced, he needed to find something to say. It was so silent between them and while Logan found it slightly uncomfortable, she seemed just fine. But Logan was only uncomfortable because he wasn't used to standing in the presence of such a beautiful girl. Was it even possible to look like that and be a real human being?

The elevator stopped on the lobby floor and when the doors opened, she stepped out, without looking back, she walked through the lobby like it was a runway. Then just like that, just as earlier in the day. She was gone.

Logan made his way outside, not quite in a daze, but not entirely there. The nameless new girl was clouding his mind. Her dark, smoky, green eyes, those perfectly plump lips, long legs and confident strides. Hot damn.

"Hey Logan." James said, he put his arm around him.

"Hey."

They were walking around the pool to the bon fire where all of their friends sat. He didn't even see Kendall. But once he did, Logan was already in the water. When he resurfaced, everyone was laughing, at his expense. His friends weren't bullies, just assholes.

He climbed out of the pool and used James's towel to dry himself off. He couldn't be this anymore. The punch line in everyone's jokes, the victim of all the pranks, the boys girls walked on, the nerd who did everyone's homework. He didn't want to be that guy anymore.

Things needed to change. Somehow. They had to.

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><p><strong>AN: **So, how was it?

Reviews, please.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **So, when I write I like to base my characters off of real people's appearances, and so for girls, normally I use young models. But I was looking and looking and I just kept thinking man, "man, all these girls are too pretty for Logan!" and then I looked up some pictures of Logan and decided I was wrong; any of them would do lol. I'll put pictures of the model I chose on my profile within the next chapter or so.

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><p>Sun Down<p>

**Chapter Three **

_Are you just hiding beneath the floor?_

"Logan, your landing is off." Their latest choreographer told him in reference to the timed back flip he and James are supposed to do in sync. "Do it like James."

Logan gritted his teeth. He was the one who taught James how to back flip in the first place, now he was supposed to do it like him? He was growing increasingly more and more irritated lately. He wanted things to change. He already decided it. Things needed to change, they had to. Logan wasn't satisfied being who he was. It was time for him to step things up.

But he didn't know how. He didn't know where to start. It couldn't just happen overnight. He couldn't just all of the sudden be different, could he?

"From the top." The choreographer ordered. "No, no, Logan, all wrong."

He was being picked on. He knew he was doing everything right. Logan stayed up late the night before trying to perfect it. Logan's blood was beginning to boil. Why him? Why didn't this guy say anything to Kendall who had tripped three time, or to Carlos who forgot the moves that came after. Only he and James have it down. But only Logan was being criticized.

"Logan!"

"Logan."

"Logan-"

"Logan!"

"Fuck you!" Logan finally exploded.

Everyone in the room froze. Logan was seething. That was too much. He was doing it all perfect. He knew the moves, he never messed up once and yet, this has-been had the nerve to tell him that was all he ever did? No. Not to mention all he ever did was compare Logan to James. Logan would never beat James, it was a fact of life, he was taller stronger, faster, more attractive, smooth, and Logan understood that. Logan knew that James was everything he wasn't, but that didn't mean they had to throw it in his face all the time.

"All you've done all day is tell me I was doing this shitty dance wrong." Logan throws his arms up into the air, "and I have never been out of step, I've never been off beat. I don't appreciate that. And you know what? This dance sucks, you're a fucking has-been."

Logan exits the studio without looking back. He doesn't care what his friends think. He doesn't care what the choreographer thinks. He doesn't care what Kelly or Gustavo thinks.

Walking away from Rocque Records, Logan wasn't thinking, he was storming away in this mad rage. Logan was good enough, so why did everyone feel the need to make him seem inadequate? He wasn't.

What he just did doesn't really hit him until he's far away from the studio. But strangely, he wasn't worried, he was relieved. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He wondered if it always felt this good to yell and scream when you needed to. If it did, maybe he should try it more often.

Logan wandered the streets of downtown Los Angeles in a pair of track sweats and a black wife-beater. It wasn't normally attire that he would sport, but he didn't mind. The sweats were more comfortable than jeans and it was hot, so the wife-beater was just fine. He might get a strange tan, but it would better than a farmer's tan.

He walked for a long time. Aimlessly. It was kind of liberating. Logan always had a plan, a goal, some sort of outline for every little moment of his life. Not having one felt good.

But eventually, he headed back to the palm woods. It was a long walk, and his feet were tired when he arrived, but he forced himself to make it to the elevator. He wondered what the guys would say, or if they would say anything. Either way, Logan didn't want to deal with anyone. He thought about calling Camille, but decided against it. By now the entire teenage population at the Palm Woods had probably heard about his melt down. She'd want to talk about it, but Logan didn't feel like divulging his deep feelings to someone who would undoubtedly judge him.

Mrs. Knight and Katie were out; Logan discovered when he walked through the front door of 2J. Carlos and James sat playing video games. They both looked at him without saying anything, watched him as he went back to the room he shared with Carlos.

Logan avoided them by taking a long shower. His skin was burnt from walking around in summer sun without protection, and the cold water spilling from the faucet felt like heaven against his damaged skin. He closed his eyes and let the cool water run down his skin.

The events of the day had been a necessity. Maybe Logan wouldn't feel so tortured anymore. He popped the cap off the bottle of emotions that held his jealousy and inadequacy, his self-doubt and inferiority. Lately it was how everything had been making him feel. If he had been good enough, Camille wouldn't have needed to kiss James. If he'd been better looking she wouldn't have been as tempted. If he was good enough to sing lead, he'd get it, so obviously he wasn't. If he could just dance as well as James, he wouldn't get criticized as much.

He kind of resented his best friend. All of his feelings stemmed from feeling like in comparison to James, he would always be outshined. And maybe he would. But that wasn't fair.

When Logan exited the bathroom, he got redressed. A pair of jeans, a loose fitting V-neck. He didn't really plan on going anywhere, but he didn't want to be in the apartment. He slipped out before James or Carlos got a chance to say anything to him.

When he got downstairs, he knew, everyone was just kind of looking at him. He didn't meet any of their eyes. He just kept his head held high and walked past everyone. He sat poolside, kicked off his shoes and rolled up his jeans. He'd just taken a shower, but today was just one of those days. Nothing normal really mattered.

He sat out there for a while and watched the sunset. When it was down and most of the lobby had cleared out, he remained. None of his friends tried to come talk to him. Which he was kind of grateful for, but at the same time, it made him wonder. Didn't they care enough to find out what was wrong? Or maybe Logan was just being a girl.

Someone did sit down next to him though. He didn't bother to look and see who it was. It was probably one of his friends. But then he smelled cigarettes and vanilla. He heard something dip into the water and he looked over. There was the new girl, sitting only a few inches from him, long hair pulled up into a ponytail, a loose fitting tank-top and a pair of shorts that made Logan gulp. She dipped her long legs into the water.

She didn't look at him when he looked at her, not at first. It took her a moment or two to tear her bewitching eyes from the sky and meet his.

"You looked lonesome." She said. Her voice was like velvet, so smooth. Logan had forgotten what she sounded like. It'd been a little over a week since the last time he saw her. She'd yet to show up in class at the Palm Woods, not that Logan was looking of course.

Logan looked down at the stilling water. He gave a shrug, and they were quiet for a few minutes. The silence was comfortable this time. Logan wanted to say something, but at the same time, he didn't. He didn't want the new girl to think of him the way everyone else did. Maybe he could convince her that he was someone other than he was, and if she believed it, then maybe he could believe it too.

"I'm Madison." She broke the silence. "But I prefer Maddy."

"I'm Hortence."Shit. Fuck. "But I prefer Logan."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Hortence?"

He winced, "Yeah, I didn't mean to tell you that."

He saw a smile in her eyes even though her lips didn't move. "I like it."

He smiled weakly, "Thanks, I guess." Had he really just told this beautiful young woman his name was Hortence? How ridiculous could he be? He never introduced himself by that anymore. He must have been brain dead, in shock, unable to process her appearance. He had to be. He didn't even refer to himself in his head as Hortence.

"Nice to meet you." She said and extended her hand towards him. He took it and shook it, her grip was firmer than he would have expected, but her skin was just as soft as he would have guessed.

"Do you mind if I smoke?"

"You aren't supposed to." Logan said pointing to the sign by the lobby door.

Her lips twitched up and her eyes narrowed slightly, "So you're one of those kids, huh?" Logan mentally kicked himself. So much for trying to make her believe he was someone different, his goody two-shoes side came out right from the get go. Logan shrugged and then said, "I don't mind."

He kept his eyes upon her as she pulled a pack of cigarettes from her satchel. She offered him one, but he shook his head. She just nodded, took out a single cigarette and lit it up. She put it between her lips and took a deep breath in. She exhaled upwards, he watched as the smoke dispersed in the air.

He was trying his best not to cough. He hated the smell, but he would survive, besides, the way it clung to her and mixed in with her perfume was heavenly.

"So," Madison looked at him with those deep green eyes, "what's your story?"

"I don't have one yet." He answered meeting her eyes. He was locked there, frozen in place under her gaze. But he was taking it all in as well, the beauty of her face. Her eyelashes were extravagant, long, evenly spread, almost like something from a magazine. It made him wonder whether or not they were real. Her eyebrows were clean and arched. Under her eyes was a dark outline, but he couldn't tell if it was make up or just because the light outside was fading quickly and the lights from the lobby were dim at the distance they had between them. Her cheekbones were defined and her cheeks, slightly hollowed.

"Well, then tell me why you're out here."

Logan looked down and said, "Don't know."

"You're a bad liar, Logan." He liked the way his name sounded coming from her velvety voice.

He decided not to resist, conversation with Madison might be riveting, and it might also be a one time thing. "Bad day."

"I'm the queen of those." She said after another drag on her cancer stick. "What happened?"

He shrugged again, "Cussed out our choreographer. He wouldn't get off my ass about- well, everything."

"You're a dancer?" She was off topic.

"No, singer, but it's part of the whole deal."

"Like in a band?"

"Well, yeah, kind of." Logan didn't know why but he was kind of embarrassed to tell her that he was in a boy band. "Not like, well," it would be better to just say it. "I'm in a boy band."

"Oh." Is all she said. It wasn't amused, or put off, it was just an oh. "So what happened with the choreographer?"

"I got that fucking dance down, I perfected everything, and the asshole has the nerve to tell me I need to backflip more like James." Then Logan shakes his head, "maybe I was just pissed about being compared to James. Don't know, but that asshole deserved it."

"Sounds like it." She said. "Is that out of character, on your part, I mean."

"Cussing someone out? Uh, yeah, kind of, no, yeah. Just yeah. I just kind of exploded today. I think it all has to do with James though."

"Who is James?"

Logan paused. She had been here a week and she didn't know who James was? Was that even possible? He had heard James make a comment about a hot new girl just the other day. Logan just automatically assumed he'd talked to her. But apparently not.

"Um, James, tall, brunette, pretty boy."

She shook her head.

"Oh, wow. That's really hard to believe."

She shrugged, "Should I know him?"

"No, probably not."

She didn't quite smile, it was one of those lip twitches again, but Logan could see a smile in her eyes. "Why not?"

"Best friend or not, he's an ass hole."

"James is your best friend?"

Logan nodded, "yeah, we're all out here in this band because of him. Well, Kendall actually, but whatever long story short, James wanted to be famous and no we're a boy band."

"Sounds like quite the tale."

"Oh trust me." Logan moved his feet, rippling the still water. "It most certainly is."

"So what did James do? If you don't mind my asking, of course." She flicked the ash off her cigarette and took another drag, looking into Logan's eyes.

"He kissed Camille."

"The crazy chick, right?"

Logan laughed. "That's one way to describe her." But to Logan, Camille hadn't just been the crazy chick. She'd been a girl that he really liked. Outwardly, yes, she was a bit much, but behind closed doors, when she wasn't mauling him, she was actually really cool. She liked the same things he did. She was smart, she wasn't shallow the way it seemed that every other girl in town was. Her acting came from the heart. Everything she did came from her heart.

"Is she your girlfriend?"

"Was." Logan leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees and watching his feet in the water. He looked over at Madison's legs, her knees were so bony. In the dim light he could barely make out a scar on her knee. It was long and stretched down to her shins out of his sight, covered by the dark water.

"Oh, sorry."

"Sometimes I hate him." Logan glanced up towards the light on in his apartment.

"James?"

Logan nodded.

"Why?"

"Have you ever felt like you weren't good enough?" Their eyes met again and Madison looked away quickly, she flicked her cigarette and shrugged, "Sure, who hasn't?"

"James's whole life is like one big long parade of making everyone else feel like they'll never be worthy."

Logan noticed how she looked down at the water and her brows furrowed. She didn't respond for a moment. Logan wished he could be inside of her head. But then she looked up at the dark sky and said, "Sounds like a terrible person to be friends with."

Logan looked up with her and saw that there were no stars out. The city lights made them too hard to see. It was one thing Logan missed about living in a small town. The stars had always been shining and bright.

"He has his redeeming qualities, of course."

"I'm sure he does."

Her phone rang then. "Shit." She cursed and put her cigarette out on the poolside. Bitters would not be happy. But something about her told Logan that she wouldn't care about what Bitters would have to say. She looked at the caller ID for a long moment as it rang.

"I have to take this." She stood.

Logan joined her, "yeah, sure."

"Thanks for talking to me though." She said softly. "I had a bad day too. You were a good distraction."

"Yeah, um, yeah, thanks for listening, Madison."

"Maddy." She corrected, "I'll see you later Logan."

He watched her walk away again. As he made his way back up to 2J, he wondered if he'd ever get to talk to her like that again. Would she take over and be popular, become a bitch like the Jennifer's? She was prettier than all three of them from Logan's perspective. Maybe she'd become the queen bitch. But everything about her seemed so real, while everything about them seemed so plastic. He didn't think that was who she was. He'd be glad if he was right.

The lights were off in the apartment. Everyone was already in their respective rooms. When Logan entered his, Carlos was already in his own bed and the lights were off. Logan quietly stripped down to his boxers and slid between the sheets of his bed, opposite of Carlos. He felt better. Talking to a stranger, he realized, he didn't have to worry about them judging him. Madison didn't know him; she had no other opinion of him to go by.

"Hey," Carlos said, "Logan."

"What?"

"He totally deserved it today. Just so you know. We all thought so."

"Thanks."

Logan drifted off to sleep a little more at ease than he had been with himself for a while.

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><p><strong>AN: **So, how was it? I apologize for any grammatical errors. I re-read everything before I post but sometimes I miss stuff.

Reviews, please?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Thanks for all the love guys. I send it right back.

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><p>Sun Down<p>

**Chapter Four**

_I'll throw a stone into the wishing well._

The distance that his friends had been giving him since he blew up on their choreographer last week was refreshing to Logan. It made it a little easier to breathe. But everything was back to the way it was on Monday morning when school started. Logan had still been forced to wake up an hour before everyone else so that he could get his fair share of time in the bathroom before his royal highness came barging in demanding to be left alone with himself and his reflection.

Logan met Katie in the kitchen; she was still clad in her pajamas. She had her eyes closed, chin on the counter, a bowl before her but the cereal and milk had yet to be poured in. Logan couldn't suppress his smile. Kendall's little sister liked to act so grown up all the time, and yet she was really so young. It was just little moments like those that reminded Logan that Katie was still a kid, no matter how badly she wanted to grow up.

Logan poured the cereal and milk into the bowl for her, set it at the table and then lifted Katie. She jerked awake and Logan laughed, "Relax." He set her down at the table. She looked down at the bowl in front of her and then to Logan. She smiled embarrassed then mumbled a thank you.

He joined her at the table and soon Kendall emerged from his bedroom, Carlos stumbling closely after. James was already in the bathroom, lathering himself in Cuda to a point where Logan thought it might really be unhealthy.

Logan was lacing up his shoes by the time Carlos finally got to use the bathroom. He'd gotten in to the habit of taking showers at night since he wouldn't get one in the morning without being late for school or waking up as early as Logan. It was a compromise that Carlos wouldn't make.

He waited for his friends as long as he could before he decided that if he waited any longer for Kendall and James to finish breakfast, or Carlos to find his other sock, that he would be late. So he and Katie left. She was still in a tired daze, and Logan wouldn't really know how to strike up a conversation with the young girl even if she wasn't. She was brilliant of course, but she was like, ten. And it would just be awkward if Logan started poking around asking if she had crushes on anyone. That was James's area of expertise. He and Katie talked about love lives sometimes. It kind of worried Logan, what horrible inappropriate things James could tell her. What he might have told her. But still, James was the only one who knew which little boy at the Palm Woods Katie had a crush on. Not even their mother or Kendall knew.

Camille and Jo circled him, and Katie sat down next to Tyler.

"Where's Kendall?" Jo asked.

"Eating breakfast." Logan replied with a shrug.

"He's going to be late." Jo said disapprovingly shaking her head.

Camille slipped her hand down towards Logan's and tried to lace her fingers with his. But he pulled back. He saw the look of hurt on her face, and felt bad but still, what was he supposed to do? They weren't a couple anymore. Friends with benefits was a pretty good term, even though Logan still harbored feelings for the wayward female. But she had kissed his best friend. Logan supposed that the first step of him trying to change things for himself was breaking things off with Camille. If he hadn't, things would be just as they were and what she did would have been okay. But it wasn't okay. Logan couldn't let her think it was, lest it happen again. And maybe one day they could patch things up, but it wasn't today.

Miss Collin's called of the Palm Woods kids into class. James, Carlos and Kendall came running from around the corner, skidding to a halt right before the class room door. They had made it without being late by some miracle.

The boys sat together, Carlos behind Logan and Kendall behind James. Jo and Camille sat next to Kendall.

"All right, now class, today-"

"Excuse me?"

Logan's eyes shot up from his empty desk to the doorway when he heard the voice. There, leaning against the frame stood Maddy, clad in in a washed out blue summer dress and black combo boots, her dark blonde hair tousled, and a satchel slung over her shoulders, the strap coming across her chest. What was she? A model? It was ridiculous.

"Yes, dear, can I help you?" Miss Collin's asked in her sickeningly sweet voice, which rather irritated Logan from time to time.

"I'm a new student." She said pushing nonchalantly off the door frame and taking a step forward to hand Miss Collin's a few pieces of paper. Miss Collin's glanced over the papers and then said, "Welcome Madison, I'm Miss Collin's."

"Thanks."

Miss Collin's looked over the class, scanning for an empty seat. And then Logan realized something. The only empty seat in the room was next to him. "Next to Mr. Mitchell please." Miss Collin's pointed in his direction.

He sat wide eyes, slightly frozen. Their eyes met and the corners of her mouth tugged upwards into a slight smile. Logan had wondered whether or not he would ever get a chance to talk to Maddy again, and yet, now, here she was, sitting next to him in their tiny, cramped classroom.

When she sat down beside him, Logan couldn't help himself, as subtly as he could he took a deep breath. She smelled so heavenly. The scent of cigarettes much less prominent than it had been the night they sat poolside.

She didn't so much as spare him a glance, but Logan could hardly bare to look away from her. He didn't even try to hide it; he was studying her face, taking in her profile, memorizing the shape of her lips, and how her nose curved slightly up at the end. She had a long, graceful neck, like a swan, Logan thought. Her eyelashes were unbelievably long, and being so close to her he could see that they were all natural except for some mascara. A thin strip of black liquid eyeliner ran smoothly across her eyelid turning up slightly at the end. The skin under her eyes was dark, maybe from a lack of sleep, maybe from too many cigarettes. Or both.

Logan was surprised that she didn't say anything to him. He was blatantly staring at her, his head turned completely in her direction, eyes on her face for the longest time. But her dark green eyes remained forward, following Miss Collin's across the room as if she was actually paying attention to whatever she was saying.

When class ended, she stood with her things then looked down at him, still in his chair. "Hey Logan." She said with a tone of amusement.

He forced himself to stand, with whatever boots she was wearing they stood at the same height. "Hi Maddy."

They stood there awkwardly as other students began to leave the class. Neither was ignorant to the looks she received as one by one teenagers and younger kids passed by. Some amazed, almost star struck by her, and other's like Camille, he saw, looked at her like she was something vile. It kind of upset Logan.

"Well," she said, "I suppose I should be on my way."

"No," Logan reached out, she flinched. He tried not to let it faze him, and he tried not to notice how she looked away from him with a penitent look on her lovely face. "Wait." He wasn't quite sure what he had been going to say, but she met his eyes once more.

"I, um, have you made any friends here yet?"

She let out a short burst of laughter and Logan was mesmerized by the smile that blessed her lips and the look in her exotic eyes. "I don't think I really want to."

"Well, you, um, you can come with me, yeah? Meet my friends. They aren't all that bad." Logan told her shrugging slightly.

She gave him a long look; like she wasn't entirely too sure that she could trust Logan. She shifted her weight and looked down to the floor for a moment. Her eyes finally rose and scanned over Logan's face quickly before she said, "yeah, sure."

"We usually just get a smoothie and hang out by the pool, is that alright with you?" he asked.

"I think I'll skip on swimming, but a smoothie sounds nice." She said softly.

"Great, um, do you want to go put your stuff away or-"

"Yeah, I'll meet you in the lobby. Give me about five minutes."

"Cool, yeah, great. Awesome."

The corners up her lips twitched up and her alluring green eyes looked him over once more. Wow. He thought to himself. What an idiot you are. You just told her yes four times. Great. Idiot.

Logan raced up to 2J so that he could put his things away. The others were already down by the pool; he saw when he peeked out the window. As he made his way back down stairs he realized he was slightly nervous about this. Camille was amongst their group and so was James. Camille just might rip Madison's head off. But then again, Maddy looked like she could bitch it up if she needed to. But James was James. It was only a matter of time until he made a move on Maddy anyways. Not like Logan really cared, if he wanted to lie to himself, Logan didn't have a chance with this girl anyways, so why did it matter? Besides, he wasn't over Camille yet either.

When Logan heard the ding of the elevator door, he stood up straight and adjusted himself. Madison came walking out, the same thing on as earlier, just minus her bag. She came over to him, one hand holding the opposite arm, almost like she was nervous. "Hey."

"Let's get smoothies." Logan smiled.

"Okay."

Once they had their smoothies in hand, Logan led her outside. At a shady table sat, James, Kendall, Carlos, Jo, Camille and Guitar Dude. As soon as they approached, Camille's eyes met his with a fire. But he ignored her. She had no say in his life anymore. That was kind of harsh, maybe not no say, just not as much of a say.

"Guys," Logan said as he and Maddy sat down. "This is Madison."

The boys received her cheerfully enough, but even though Jo smiled, he could see what she was thinking. This girl was a threat. Camille truly was a great actress. She plastered on a smile and greeted her warmly. If it had been real, maybe Logan would have admired her for it, but it wasn't and it just kind of disappointed him.

"So where are you from?" Jo asked taking a sip of Kendall's smoothie even though she had her own in front of her. It was a subtly possessive gesture, like she was trying to show Madison that Kendall was off limits.

"West Hollywood." Maddy replied looking down at her smoothie and swiveling the straw.

"Nice." James said sending his most charismatic smile in her direction. Logan had literally seen girls swoon over that smile. He'd seen faces fall flat, at a loss for words, blank expressions because they just couldn't process how handsome he was. But Madison barely glanced at him; she wasn't fazed at all by him. Maybe beautiful people had less of an effect on each other.

"So, what do you do?" Kendall spoke up, he put his arm around Jo, seeming to catch on to how she was feeling.

"I don't do anything." She answered.

"What do you mean?" Carlos leaned forward.

She met his eyes, Logan noticed how Carlos faltered. "I mean I don't do anything."

"Don't you have to be in show business in order to attend the Palm Woods school?" Camille crossed her legs and examined her nails.

"Not if you're a relative of an employee."

They all gave her the same confused look. "Who?"

"You might know my uncle, he's the maintenance man. His name is Robert."

"I don't know any Robert." Guitar Dude said with a strum of his guitar.

"Your uncle is Buddha Bob?" Logan asked.

"Oh!" Guitar Dude exclaimed, "Buddha Bob, that guy's great."

She quirked an eyebrow, looking at Logan. "I guess he's Buddha Bob, I always knew him as Uncle Rob."

It seemed that everyone shared the same thought. It was so weird to think that Buddha Bob actually had a life outside of trimming hedges.

"So what brings you here?" James asked.

Madison shrugged, and smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes, "there's just some things going on right now."

* * *

><p>For a week, Madison and Logan sat next to each other in class. Everyone once in a while exchanging a smile. Talking briefly, but nothing ever really got said between the two. Logan didn't see how anything would. He didn't know her and she didn't know him. But there was something about her, a dark cloud followed her. He didn't know why, or what it was, but it was there, visible in the faraway look of her eyes. The way she seemed so distant to everyone else. How her smile never quite reached her eyes, and he'd only heard her laugh once.<p>

But everything about Madison began to intrigue Logan. Every day he sat there in class, half paying attention to Miss Collin's half of his mind admiring the young woman beside him. The way her hair fell, the slow blink of her eyes, the scent of cigarettes and warm perfume that clung to her and stirred in the air every time she moved. He even analyzed her wardrobe. He knew nothing about style except for what James forced upon him. But it was obvious that she knew how to dress. Being from West Hollywood, Logan wasn't surprised that she had an excellent sense of fashion. She looked like she belonged on a runway in New York most days, instead of sitting in the Palm Woods makeshift classroom, paying attention to Miss Collin's talk about things she probably would never use again in her life after she left the room.

One day as they entered the classroom, before Madison arrived, James leaned over to Logan and said, "Switch seats with me today."

"What, no. Why?"

"Because, I need to make a move on Maddy." James said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Logan looked at him blankly and said, "Fuck you."

"Sorry bro, not into dudes, but I think that guy over there-"

Madison walked in then. She had her eyes to the floor, she didn't say anything to Logan when she sat down. But she reeked of cigarettes more than she normally did.

James hit him and Logan hit back just as hard. There was something off. Logan may not know her well enough, or well at all, to be able to tell what it was. But he knew there was something wrong.

Her eyes were cloudy, she looked lost. She stared blankly ahead at the black board. She didn't follow Miss Collin's she just stared. She left right after class without saying anything to Logan. He always got something from her, a hello, a goodbye, if not a smile, then at least the hint of one pulling on the corners of her lips. But she was gone before Logan even had all of his things together. He wanted to go after her, but they had to go to the studio.

Logan concentrated on the music; he sang the words with feeling. It was probably one of his best recording sessions. Even the normally unappreciative Gustavo complimented him on his days' work. As they danced, he took each and every step to heart, memorizing it, getting the timing right. He was motivating himself to be better. He didn't want to be the last one on the list anymore. He wanted to have a share of the spotlight. He didn't just want to be the brain. The only way he could do that was to change the way he did things. He needed to do things better, and so now he was trying.

He even stayed after all the guys, asking Gustavo for advice, how he could be better. Gustavo looked at him like he was an alien, but in the end, he gave him some advice. So Logan left Roque Records feeling a bit more accomplished than he did when he yelled at their choreographer.

With his duffel bag slung over his shoulder, he walked through the park back to the Palm Woods. He felt himself smile when he saw the well that he and the other boys fell into with Jordin Sparks. He even felt himself begin to laugh at the memory of him and Carlos trying to be her good luck charms.

There was someone sitting on the edge of the well, and as he drew closer he realized that he recognized the figure. So he walked over. Madison sat on the edge of the well dropping stones and listening to them echo.

"Hey." Logan said softly, afraid that if he startled her she'd fall in. It was easy to do, Logan would know.

She looked at him, her face blank, "hey."

"You're supposed to drop coins." He set his bag down.

"I haven't got any." She told him dropping in another stone. "I figured that if I dropped enough stones that it would eventually be worth a penny."

Logan dug into the pocket of his jeans and handed her a dime. "Here."

She looked from the silver coin in his hand, to his face. It was a moment before she took it, but eventually, she did. She held it close to her heart and closed her pretty green eyes before she reached out of the open air and dropped it into the well.

"Did you make a wish?"

She nodded gazing into his eyes. But Logan couldn't read the expression on her face.

"What did you wish for?"

"I can't tell you that." She said quietly, looking away from him. "Otherwise it won't come true. And I really want this one to."

She looked back into the well. But the desperate tone of her voice and the forlorn expression on her face didn't escape his notice. Neither did the dark purple bruises on her bicep.

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><p><strong>AN: **So I have decided there really won't be any filler chapters in this story. I don't want it to drag on, so I'm just going to get right into the plot. I hope you don't mind. Also, I posted a link the sight where you can see pictures of the model I chose as Madison. Let me know if you like her or not. I think she's stunning.

Review?


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **So, here we go, chapter 5. Hope you like it. Also, if you tried to click the link for the model and it didn't take you straight to her page, I fixed it, kind of. Lol.

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><p>Sun Down<p>

**Chapter Five**

_As I walk down the stairs to face another day. _

The first time Logan actually saw Buddha Bob and Maddy together, it was interesting. So Logan put on his tree hat. He tried to get close enough to hear what they were saying, but it was hard, the pool was loud and laden with teenagers on an awfully sunny afternoon, like it was every day in Los Angeles until the end of December.

Maddy had been absent from school for the past few days. Logan wasn't saying that he missed her, per se, because they didn't talk all that much, but still. Her presence beside him had become the norm. Not to mention the last time he'd seen her she seemed so silently distraught.

Buddha Bob looked at Maddy with a fatherly kind of love. But they really looked nothing alike. Bob was trimming the hedges, stopping every so often to turn and say something to his niece. But Logan couldn't hear anything, so he decided to get closer.

It was the first time Logan ever heard Bob speak and actually sound rational. He wasn't being philosophical or giving Katie business advice. He sounded like a normal man.

"I'm sorry." Maddy said to her uncle.

He turned around and set the trimmers down. He looked down at her and said in a very serious tone of voice. "You can't keep going back there, Maddy."

"I know." She responded quietly.

"You're parents sent you here for a reason. But there's no point in being here, there's no point in me trying to help you if you won't stay away." Bob put his hands on her shoulders. He brushed her cheek with his thumb. She looked away from him. "It's bad for you Madison. That place, those people." He touched the fading bruise on her arm and in a much softer voice said, "_He_ is bad for you."

"I know."

"We just want better for you. We want you to be better."

"I'm sick, I know." The sound of her voice was heartbreaking. She sounded so lost. Logan didn't know what she was talking about, and he suddenly felt as if eaves dropping had been a bad idea. Some things are meant to be kept between certain people. He was listening in a conversation that he should never have heard, it was a moment that was wrong for him to experience.

"You aren't sick, Madison. You just need a little bit of help."

Logan snuck away, the same way he snuck in. He took off his tree hat and made his way back to 2J. He tried to stop thinking about it, he tried to stop guessing the situation, but he couldn't. It was there, in his mind, playing over and over. She was sick? With what? Where did she keep going? Why was it bad for her? Who were the people that were bad for her? More specifically, who was the _he_ that was bad for her? It wasn't his business, but it didn't stop him from being curious.

He didn't mean to, but he ended up knocking on Buddha Bob's door later that evening. The bearded man opened the door and looked down at the teen with a quirked brow. "Can I, help you Logan?"

"Um," he faltered. What was he doing there? What did he plan on saying to Madison? Did he even have anything to say to her? He couldn't just ask about what he'd heard before. "I, um, can I see Maddy?"

Bob gave him a long hard look before he held the door open wider. "She's in the first room, down the hall to the left."

Logan stepped around Bob into the apartment and was surprised as he looked around to find that it looked just like every room at the Palm Woods, except 2J of course, theirs was custom. He had expected Bob's room to be, well if he's honest with himself, he thought that Buddha Bob looked like he should be living in a jungle. He's was Tarzan's brothers, Bob should be swinging from vines, hanging from trees. But no, Bob was normal. It was so weird.

"Logan." Bob said from the doorway, he held up a wrench in his hands and said, "I need to go up to the seventh floor, don't let her out of the apartment, alright?"

Logan nodded uncertainly. "Oh, oh okay."

Bob saluted him with the wrench and shut the door behind him as he left. Logan found himself adjusting his clothing as he walked towards her room. Pulling up his jeans. Pulling down his jeans. Flattening his shirt, he even went so far as to smell his breath. He took a very deep breath before he knocked.

"Come in."

He opened the door slowly, peeking in before he actually stepped forward. She was there on her bed, music playing softly. Propped up on her elbows she read a magazine that lay on her pillow.

"Hey."

Her head shot up. "Logan? What are you doing here?"

He shifted his weight, stuck his hands into his pockets and coughed awkwardly. Did he have an answer for that? Not really.

"I, well, you know, you haven't been in class for the past couple of days. So, I, I wanted to come see if you were," he scratched the back of his head, "all right." He finished lamely.

She sat up on her bed. She wasn't wearing any pants. Boy shorts still qualified as underwear. Logan felt himself begin to blush looking at her. She wasn't wearing much, a white tank-top, black boy shorts, and stripped knee high socks. That was all.

"Well, I'm fine." She said tilting her head to the side. She was trying to meet Logan's eyes, but if he looked her in the eye, she'd see how red he'd gotten. Logan wasn't a virgin. He'd lost his virginity to this girl back in Minnesota a few months before the boys made the big move. Then of course he and Camille had been off and on, friends with benefits for a while, even before they actually defined their relationship. But maybe this was his whole chivalry thing. He had seen girls naked in the flesh, but was she okay with him seeing her like this?

"Yeah," Logan said, looking only into her eyes, which wasn't much better. "I see that. I guess, I can, get…going now."

He reached for the door knob, but she stood, oh shit. It was all he could think as she walked toward him in such skimpy clothing. "Don't go." She said and crossed her arms across her chest. Without shoes on, she was only an inch or two shorter than him. She didn't have far to look up. It wasn't a demand, the look in her haunting green eyes told him it was more of a plea.

"I've been cooped up in here for the past few days, my only human contact being my uncle."

He locked eyes with her. He wanted to know what her deal was. He wanted to know why she seemed so distant to the rest of the world; he wanted to know why she seemed so sad. Her eyes were always so far gone, in another world. She walked like she knew exactly who she was; she tossed her hair over her shoulder with confidence, and spoke with such clarity. But it was there in her subtleties. The blank expressions on her lovely face, the way her smile never reached her eyes, how she had looked up at the sky the night they first met, and in the expression as she let the coin fall into the well, like her life as depending on it.

"Okay." She went back to her bed and sat with her back pressed against the wall. Madison patted the spot next to her. Logan obeyed. They sat there, inches apart, silently for what seemed like forever.

"Do you like to sing?" she finally asked.

They were both just sitting there, feet dangling off the edge of the bed, staring at the wall opposite of them and the door Logan had closed behind him. Next to the door hanging on a nail a pair of pale pink ballet slippers, they look used and worn. He wondered if she danced.

"Of course." He said, "This band wouldn't work if we didn't."

"It was just, you said that this whole thing was James's dream."

"It was, but now that I'm here, I have fun. Besides it's a lot warmer here than it is in Minnesota during the winter."

"So," she pulled her knees to her chest and shuffled up the bed so she could face him. "What's your dream?"

"I want to be a doctor." He was still looking at the pair of slippers hanging by her door.

"Medical, physical, psychological?"

"Medical." He kicked off his shoes and imitated her, sitting cross legged facing her. "What about you? What do you want to be?"

"I want to be a psychologist."

"Really?" he leaned forward slightly. It was an answer he'd not been expecting.

She nodded, "but I have so many of my own fucking problems I don't know how I'd ever help anyone else." She said like she was trying to convince him, or maybe even herself, that she thought it was funny, but Logan wasn't fooled. He could see the despair in her eyes. He just wanted to know why, what caused it?

She fell back on the bed and sighed. "Hey Logan."

"Yeah?"

"You want to get drunk?"

No. "Sure."

"Do you know anyone willing to buy? I've got cash."

Don't tell her. "Guitar dudes brother just turned twenty-one last week."

"Sweet." She said and jumped off the bed. Logan watched her dig through the drawers of her dresser. She took out a pair of sweats and wiggled into them. He tried not to watch, but he couldn't help himself. Her boy shorts were barely covering her ass anymore, and her hips moved like they were in rhythm with a song. He swallowed hard.

"I told your uncle I wouldn't let you leave." He said hoping that maybe it would sway her.

"Did he go to the seventh floor?" She asked running her fingers through her long blonde hair. How had she known?

"Yeah."

"He's boning the lady that lives up there; he won't be back till around midnight."

Logan grimaced. The thought of Buddha Bob having sex with anyone was extremely unattractive. He was so hairy…. Logan shivered.

Logan followed her out of the apartment, but once they reached the elevator, Logan took the lead. He led her up to the fifth floor and knocked on Guitar Dude's door. He knew that he shouldn't be doing this. He's promised Buddha Bob. Looking at her, it was obvious this was the last thing she needed. But Logan couldn't stop himself. Because while it was the last thing she needed, an escape looked like the thing she needed most. Alcohol, however temporary, could help provide that. It was a bad idea, but it was too late now, Guitar Dude had already opened the door.

"Oh Hey, Logan, Maddy." Guitar dude waggled his eyebrows at the tall girl beside Logan.

"Hey, is your brother home?" Logan asked trying to get his point across.

Surprisingly, Guitar Dude understood, he laughed all-knowing and said, "Yeah, let me grab him."

A taller, slightly less skimpy version of Guitar Dude appeared. "Hey, Joseph," Logan said, "can you help us out?"

"Yeah, sure bro, but I just got my license revoked. So can one of you guys drive? Buying alcohol for minors and driving without a license is a double-whammy."

"Yeah," Logan lied, "I can."

Logan still had his Minnesota's learners permit, but he didn't think that it was valid in California. Oh well, too late now, he tried to tell himself. But he was surprised at how well he was ignoring his inner morality. If he had been with his friends, he would have been the first one to object. But something about Maddy made him want to seem, better, braver, stronger.

In the elevator on the way down to the lobby. They stood behind Guitar Dude's brother, Madison reached over and grabbed his hand. She didn't say anything, didn't look at him, she just held it in hers. Logan looked down at their hands, fingers clasped. What was this? Who was the boy doing this?

But then he realized, isn't this what he wanted? He wasn't acting like the old Logan. This one was taking a risk, driving without a license, getting someone to buy him alcohol, getting drunk with a pretty girl. All things he'd never done before. It was because of Maddy though. He wanted her to be impressed by him. But he didn't know how he could do that when he was still wearing button up shirts, sweater-vests and boots instead of something stylish like Vans or Converse.

When the elevator door opened, Joseph stepped out and Madison let go of his head. He watched her take a few steps before he followed them out. He didn't know what he felt when he looked at her. Maybe a mixture of lust, want, pity and confusion. What an odd feeling.

They ducked through the lobby avoiding anyone they thought might stop them or rat them out. But once they were out of there, it was all downhill. Joseph's car was this little, rusty, chipped black paint, piece of complete and utter shit. Logan didn't know how it could even run. It was a pathetic excuse for a car.

"Don't give me shit." Joseph said when he saw Logan eyeing it. "I work at a retail store and the pay ain't so great. Sucky car is better than no car."

Joseph tossed him the keys from the passenger's side. Madison slid into the back seat, looking out the window like she was bored; she could be with cooler people, getting drunk with people who were actually worth her time. But then again, maybe that was the truth of the situation. Logan was in a teenage boy-band that was yet to be on the brink of fame. He signed a pig while on tour, that wasn't not saying much. Not to mention their bands fan base were mostly under sixteen. It's not all that impressive. He himself was this nerdy little boy, not too tall, not too muscular, only kind of cute. While Maddy on the other hand was this tall, stylish, beautiful, model type girl. How they ended up together in that shitty car with the world's biggest stoner on their way to get some boos was beyond him.

Logan started up the engine and pulled out of the Palm Woods parking lot. Joseph gave him directions to the nearest liquor store. Driving in Los Angeles was much harder than it was in Minnesota. He got cut off, people hit the brakes constantly, ignored the use of signals.

"Can I smoke?" Madison asked from the backseat.

"Yeah, sure, light up, can I get one?"

She handed Guitar Dude's brother a single stick. Logan watched her light up in the review mirror. She met his eyes. He didn't want to look away, but he was driving. If he didn't they could all die.

Logan parked.

"So what do you guys want?" Joseph asked.

Logan automatically looked to Madison. She sat forward in her seat and said, "Get us a six pack of anything, and a bottle of tequila." She handed him some crumpled bills and Joseph left them alone in the car.

"You don't have to drink with me if you don't want to." She said blowing smoke out the window.

"I can't let you drink alone." Logan looked at her through the mirror. "That's depressing."

She cracked a smile. Logan felt this thing in his chest. Not quite what he felt when he first realized he had feelings for Camille, and definitely not what he felt when he saw her walking around with that Steve guy. She was doing it just to spite him. He knew it. It'd been a while since she pulled him into the supply closet or came around when he was the only one home. But if that was how she was going to be, let her. It all started when he brought Maddy to hang out with them. But then Maddy disappeared for a week and he met that girl Peggy. It snowballed from there. But if Camille was just going to end things so abruptly between them then there was nothing wrong with him getting shit-faced with Madison right? Who knew if he would even drink that much, but still, Camille couldn't complain if she saw them together.

"Sometimes," She said, "being aware of the world sucks. If it's not personal shit, the world is ending somewhere for someone on the news, and if isn't the news, then it's personal. The world sucks, my life sucks. Everything is just one big parade of suck."

"Why does your life suck?" He inquired. Their eyes met through the mirror again and she blew smoke from her nose. Logan smiled slightly, it looked amusing to him.

She shrugged and looked back out the window. "Lots of reasons."

"Like?"

"It's a bit complicated, dear."

"I'm smart." Logan shrugged, "I think I can keep up."

Madison shook her head and took another drag. "It's not… I'm not… ready." She finished quietly. "Maybe one day, I'll talk about it. Who knows, maybe one day I'll tell you. I like talking to you. But now, I just, I can't."

A worried feeling overcame him as he frowned. What happened to her? Why was she so damaged?

"Alright, guys got you some Heineken, and top o' the line tequila, its Blanco or something like that. I don't know. As long as it's got alcohol I'll drink it usually." Joseph got back into the car and handed the bottles back to Madison. She took them and thanked him.

By the time they got back to the Palm Woods, the sun was almost down. It'd been late when they set out. Logan gave the keys back to Joseph.

"You two kiddies have fun." Joseph said, "I'm off to blaze."

Logan didn't know how Bitter didn't ever say anything to those two boys, but maybe they were bribing him. Bitters could use something to make him relax. But the thought of it was so ridiculous Logan almost laughed out loud.

"Want to sit by the pool?" Madison asked.

By now the pool was empty, and it was a school night so bon fires were not allowed. They would have the entire pool area alone.

"Sure."

Outside, Madison lit up another cigarette. Logan wondered how many of them she smoked in a day. How did she have the money to buy more if she didn't work? Well, just because she didn't work in show business didn't mean she didn't work, Logan just never heard any mention of a job.

He decides to drop Hortence Logan Henderson for the night and just be Logan. To hell with rules, and consequences. He'd step out of his shell tonight even if there was hell to pay tomorrow.

"Can I have one?" He asked.

Madison quirked her brow, "I thought you didn't smoke?"

"I don't."

"Logan –"

"Just tonight. We don't have to go to the studio tomorrow, I'll be fine."

She looked uncertain, but hesitantly handed over the pack. He took one out and put it between his lips. It felt odd. She lit up her own and then held the lighter flame beneath his.

He took it out and said, "How do I do this?"

She laughed, "Just suck on it."

He was surprised at how steady his hands were because on the inside he was freaking out. He put it back in his mouth and sucked on it. The embers on the end of the stick lit up and he felt his lungs being filled with everything but air.

He took it out and coughed violently. It tasted terrible, and his throat already hurt from coughing. Why was he doing this?

Madison put her hand on his back and scooted closer, her cigarette still hanging on her lips. She took hers out between her middle and index finger, "Are you okay?"

He nodded and coughed again.

"Let me put it out." She tried to reach for his, but he held it from her and shook his head. "No, it's okay. Come on, I have to smoke at least one whole cigarette before I turn eighteen."

She shook her head, a hint of a smile evident. Madison pulled out the six pack and held a bottle up to him, "Can you get the top off?"

Logan put the cigarette back in his mouth and tried his best to hold in the smoke, to keep from coughing. He popped off the bottle cap and gave it back to her. She took the cigarette from her mouth and drank from the bottle like she'd been doing it for her whole life. Maybe she had, but to Logan, it was kind of sad. Madison was only sixteen, what in her life was terrible that drove her to drinking herself away on the nights she couldn't handle the pain of reality?

He took his own beer out after that. He was still coughing slightly, but by his fourth drag it was a little bit easier from him to inhale it. But he didn't know how people did this every day, or at all. It hurt and tasted terrible. Not to mention caused multiple diseases.

He drank from the glass bottle. The taste wasn't much better than that of the cigarette. He forced himself to swallow. It wasn't the first time Logan drank. He'd gone to his first party with James at the beginning of their sophomore year. James hadn't pressure him to drink, but James was fucked up before the night ended. He's also gotten laid before they left as well. But Logan had been standing awkwardly next to a bunch of upper classmen that he didn't know when they pulled him into the garage for a game of beer pong. Logan had won; he'd only been tipsy by the time they left. But the two teenage boys had stumbled down the street together, Logan laughing every time James fell over. James had been an asshole back then too, but just not as much as he was as of late. Or maybe it was just Logan. James was the same as he had always been, but it was Logan who was changing. Wanting to be different. But he'd never done anything about it. Every time James did something that was expected or typical of him to do, Logan grew irritated, classified him as an asshole. It was just Logan getting tired of being everyone's punching bag.

But Madison didn't know that side of Logan. She was getting to know a side of him that Logan himself didn't even know. Maybe it was a good thing.

"Aren't we supposed to drink the liquor first?" Logan asked taking the long glass bottle of tequila in his hands.

Madison shrugged, "I never did it that way."

Logan figured she was the expert, he'd only been drank that once.

They finished the six pack together and moved on to the tequila.

"Vodka's gross." She said lying back on the ground. "I'd much rather just chug tequila."

Logan was feeling buzzed by now. He wasn't drunk, not yet anyways, but his body felt loose and warm. He and Madison struggled to open the bottle and giggled when they finally did. Since getting drunk all had to do with body mass, Logan reckoned that Madison would be farther gone than him, but she seemed to be holding her own.

She put the bottle to her lips and looked deep into Logan's eyes as she drank. He took the bottle from her, keeping her gaze and drank as well. She took the bottle back from him, "Thanks, _Hortence_."

"Don't call me that, _Madison._"

She scrunched up her nose. "I don't like being called that."

"I don't like Hortence."

"I do." She said softly.

She was closer to him than Logan remembered when they started. But he didn't mind, why would he? She was gorgeous, in fact he longed to reach out and touch her. She put her hand on his thigh and his body caught fire. Bottle in her hand, hand on his thigh and dark eyes.

He kissed her. How could he not? Her lips hanging just slightly ajar, that look in her eyes, he had to. Or maybe Logan was just an opportunist. Their lips touched gently, pressing together, holding for a few seconds. He closed his eyes. When he opened them, hers fluttered open as well. She set the bottle down and took a gentle hold with both hands on either side of his face. Their noses touched, he could feel her warm breath on his lips. She smelled like cigarettes and alcohol, but he was pretty sure he smelled the same.

He didn't wait for her to close the distance; he put his hands on her and pulled her closer. She ended up in his lap, legs around his waist, his arms around her back, pressing her close against him. He could feel her spine and the definition of her ribs, but he was too drunk now to worry. Their lips were meshed together, teeth clashing, tongues battling. It was unlike Logan anything Logan had done before. He felt like a different person there with the alcohol running through his veins, his second cigarette smoking beside them, forgotten in the heat of the moment. A girl like Madison in his lap, Logan never thought the day would come. Kissing Camille was great, she'd taught him how to do it, but it was a completely different feel with Madison, like he was a rebel. There was the fear and excitement that anyone could walk outside and find them like that. Hands roaming each other's bodies in ways that probably wouldn't be allowed if they were sober. The kiss too sloppy, too much saliva, too much teeth, too much tongue, but just enough passion. If someone saw them, they'd think they were trying to eat each other. But maybe that was an accurate description deep in the crevices of her mouth past the cigarettes and tequila, he could taste Madison.

"What are you doing?"

They didn't pull away quickly; in fact Logan wouldn't have cared if they didn't even respond to whoever it was. He was drunk, high off of Madison.

Jo stood there, hand on her hip, wearing a pair of stripped pajama bottoms and a t-shirt that Logan vaguely recognized as Kendall's.

"Hey Jo." Logan slurred.

"Are you drunk?" She asked incredulously.

"Naw, naw, well, yeah, maybe just a little. You want some? We've still, got some… somewhere…."

"Logan, everyone has been wondering where you are, go back to 2J."

"I'm not a fucking baby,_ Josephine_." He tightened his hold on Maddy. She was hiding her face, buried it in the crook of his neck, but she was still kissing him. She bit and Logan winced slightly, but he managed not to curse.

"Logan, get your ass back up stairs."

"Why are you down here?" He asked not moving.

"I forgot my towel, its laundry day tomorrow morning."

"Laundry, who does laundry? Mom's do laundry. Are you pregnant Jo?"

"Logan, get the fuck up before I get Bitters."

He stuck his tongue out at her but he did as he was told. He lifted Madison up, she wobbled, but held steady eventually. Logan tried to get himself up but fell over laughing. Jo gripped him harshly and pulled him to his feet. She took what was left of the bottle and dumped it into a plant behind her.

"No! Hey, we paid for that! Or actually, she paid for that, but-" Logan complained.

"Come on, back to 2J." Jo turned to Madison, "What floor do you live on?"

"Fourth."

Madison held on to Logan's arm to steady herself, but it didn't help much, Logan was hardly stable. She laced her fingers with his once again. Logan felt a lazy drunk smile replace the scowl on his lips.

Jo dropped him off in front of 2J first.

"Wait, what about Maddy?"

"I'm taking her, I live on the fourth floor too, remember?" Jo said shaking her head. She was much gentler with Maddy than she was with Logan. But still, their hands were torn apart.

Logan stumbled inside the dark apartment. He tripped over something and laughed much louder than he should have. He shushed himself and tried to find his way in the dark, but it was futile. He tripped again and ended up on the floor, rolling around laughing.

"Logan?" Carlos flipped on a light. Logan continued to laugh.

"Dude, are you drunk?"

"Are _you_ drunk?" Logan shot back, words slurred together to a point where they were almost unintelligible.

"What's going on?" Kendall and James came out in to the hall rubbing their eyes.

"I'm a wee bit tipsy." Logan said with an English accent.

"Fuck that, you're wasted."

"'M not! Oh, wait, I don't feel good." Logan scrambled on to all fours. He gagged.

"Oh shit!" James exclaimed, the three boys picked Logan up and as he began to heave.

"Mom!" Kendal called.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So, this chapter was kind of long, huh? Well, lot's longer than the others. But I liked it. Hope you did too. I just figured Jo was short for Josephine. I may be wrong lol.

Reviews?


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Chapter Six has arrived. :] Sorry it took so long.

* * *

><p>Sun Down<p>

**Chapter Five**

_Can you not see me anymore? _

Logan's head hurt worse than it ever had in his life when he woke up the next morning. He lay there in bed looking up at the ceiling for a long while. When he blinked he remembered. He remembered going to see Maddy. He remembered what she was wearing, or really what she wasn't wearing, which was pants. He remembered getting Joseph to buy them alcohol and he remembered struggling to smoke his first cigarette. It all got hazy after that. All he could remember was Maddy in his lap, her lips on his. Then he remembered Jo. Oh man, what an ass hole he'd been.

He covered his face with his hand as he sat up. Crap. What else came after Jo? Oh right, he puked in the living room.

Logan glanced to Carlos's bed, but it was empty. Which was odd. Carlos was never up before Logan. Then Logan looked at the time. It was only an hour or two before school ended. He had slept all day? He'd missed school? It was the first time in the history of Logan's life. He'd never been absent, save for the weeks they were on tour.

He forced himself out of bed and down the hall. He needed water, aspirin, something. Help.

"Oh, you're up. Finally." Mrs. Knight stood in the kitchen behind the sink.

"Hi." He said, "I'm so sorry Mrs. Knight, I –"

"Logan." She said sternly. "I understand that you are a teenager, and nights like last night are expected to happen." She paused and put on hand on her hip, the other holding onto the counter. "But. If it happens again, I will be calling your mother."

"Oh, thank you so much, Mrs. Knight, it won't happen again." He gave her a hug.

"Now, sit down, let me make you some breakfast and get you some Tylenol."

Logan did as he was told. He was extremely grateful that Mrs. Knight had not called his mother. She would have been so pissed.

Logan ate toaster waffles, every jaw movement made his headache worse, but his stomach was begging for food. He forced it down and then went to take a shower. He'd rather not look like he was hung over when he went to apologize to Jo, get his missed assignments and talk to Madison. He told Mrs. Knight about his plan, but left out the last bit, about talking to Madison. He was sure she wouldn't approve. But he had to talk to her right? To clear things up if nothing else. They'd kissed last night. Well not just kissed, it'd been the most intense making-out he'd ever done that hadn't led to something else. It made him wonder whether or not things would have continued if Jo had not interrupted. He couldn't decide whether or not he was thankful for that. Because having sex with Madison would be well, fantastic. But, where would that have put them? Logan wasn't a one night stand kind of guy, that was James's gig, but while he was extremely curious and even slightly worried about that mysterious beauty, he wasn't sure he wanted to date her. He liked her easily enough, they could talk to each other, and they were friends, right? Logan could date her, but then he realized he was looking at the situation like he had control. Yeah fucking right. Madison could date anyone she wanted, just because she decided she wanted to get drunk and make-out with Logan didn't mean she wanted to date him. So Logan wasn't quite sure where that put him.

As Logan exited the apartment, Buddha Bob came walking up, his trusty plunger resting on his shoulder. How disgusting. He was smiling at Logan, but Logan was flipping out on the inside. Did Buddha Bob know about last night? Was he mad?

"Hey Logan." He said. "Thanks for keeping Madison occupied last night, she was upset I wouldn't let her out, but she seemed like she was in a fine mood this morning."

Logan nodded and mumbled a response, he wasn't even quite sure what he said, but Buddha Bob looked satisfied and when on his way. Logan raced to the elevator. How would she have been just fine? Logan was dying! The lights in the hallway were killing him. But then again, she was a lot more accustomed to drinking than he was. Logan had brushed his teeth three times, he still could taste smoke from those two cigarettes.

What had he been thinking? Smoking? Really? Getting insanely wasted? Why? Because he wanted to be someone else. But as he thought about it, sure he'd been someone else last night, but was it who he really wanted to be? Anything had to be better than who he was now though, right?

He waited outside the Palm Woods classroom for five minutes until school let out. He wondered if the guys or Jo, or Maddy even, had said anything about last night. But like always, people walked right past him. No one said anything to him except for a few 'hello's' as they left the classroom. Then Jo walked out, she glared at him.

"Can I talk to you later?" he asked. She gave him a curt nod.

Maddy came out right behind them. She gave him a brief smile and walked away before he got the chance to say anything to her. What did that mean? Did it mean anything?

Then came Carlos, Kendall and James. He braced himself for the worst because knowing them it would come. He'd never hear the end of this. They would be forty years old one day and they would still be bringing it up and laughing at him. But it made him wonder if when they were forty would Logan even remember Madison's name? Would he remember each and every angle of her face, would he still be able to picture that haunted smile and her lost eyes? Would he remember the way her perfume mixed in with the scent of cigarettes that clung to her constantly? Something told Logan that forgetting Maddy was going to be a feat, if he ever did it. But why would he want to? At least right now. Sure he'd broken curfew, gotten drunk, smoked for the first time, and puked on the living room floor, but those were all things that the old Logan would never do. He didn't want to be the old Logan, he wanted to reinvent himself, even if this wasn't the right way to do it, he was making progress, wasn't he?

"Hey Logan." Carlos said slinging an arm around his shoulder.

James was right there behind him and said, "Well look who it is, don't you look dashing this morning."

Logan glared at James.

"You look pretty fucking hung over." Kendall said humorlessly. Logan could only guess that Jo had told him about his behavior towards her. He hadn't been the perfect gentleman and she did deserve an apology but Logan hadn't been a total asshole, had he? No, he'd just asked if she was pregnant. But that was still bad.

"I'm going to apologize to Jo, so calm the fuck down." Logan said in the same dead tone of voice to Kendall. Logan was so not in the mood. He just wanted to get the work he missed, apologize to Jo, and go to talk to Madison.

Kendall's eyes widened as did Carlos's and James's, but Logan just shook his head and pushed past them. He still had a headache and he wasn't ready to deal with the ridicule that was sure to come. He would accomplish his goals for the day and then he'd lock himself in his room and read so he could forget the real world.

Miss Collin's greeted him cheerfully, the smile, the pink dress and yellow cardigan, the bouncing blond curls reeked of delight and altogether sheer, happy-go-luckiness, it made him want to gag. Normally he didn't mind how peppy and upbeat she was, but he was hung over and the world was irritating him.

"Logan," she said, "you don't look well. Are you alright?"

"I'm just not at my best today. May I have the assignments that I need to make up for today's work?"

"Of course."

He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, the fluorescent lights up above were so not helping. She came back with a few sheets of paper and told him to feel better. Logan forced a smile and then trudged out of the classroom down the hallway. To Jo's apartment.

Her father opened the door and let Logan in. As long as he wasn't dating her daughter, Mr. Taylor didn't mind his daughter having male friends. Needless to say, he wasn't entirely too fond of Kendall, which was like, unheard of. Everyone always liked Kendall, no matter what. James might be the beautiful one, but Kendall was a natural at everything he did. People flocked to James because he was handsome, but people flocked to Kendall because he was a pretty good mix of everything. It was the first time Logan realized that James wasn't the only one of his friends that he felt some resentment for. Logan practiced singing and dancing and hockey and skating and being adequate at all that his friends did when it just came so natural to Kendall. Logan decided for the moment that he liked Mr. Taylor quite a bit.

Logan knocked on Jo's door; she let him in without a smile. Personally, Logan thought she was over reacting and being a bit ridiculous, all he did was call her Josephine and ask her if she was pregnant. But then Logan remembered that Jo and Camille were best friends and that she was probably madder that he would do something like that to Camille. But the truth was that Camille and Logan were done. At least for now. If they'd be on again, Logan didn't know when it would happen, but he wouldn't lie, he was kind of waiting for it. She was with that Steve guy for a few weeks now and while Logan has tried to distract himself, it didn't always work. Jealousy stirred.

"I'm sorry for last night Jo, I shouldn't have cursed at you or asked if you were pregnant."

Jo shrugged. "I actually wanted to laugh at the last bit, but if I had you wouldn't have listened to me."

"Still, I shouldn't have said it."

"Isn't there something else you shouldn't have done?"

Logan wanted to roll his eyes. She was trying to be all motherly, much like he thought she was being last night. Maybe she really was pregnant, it could be practice. But it was a ridiculous thought that Logan shook from his mind. He wasn't going to tell her that he regretted last night though. It'd be a lie. He didn't regret getting wasted with Madison. As much pain as his brain was in, last night he'd felt liberated and it had been a good feeling.

"No." he said.

She quirked a brow, "really?"

"I had fun last night."

"But what about Camille?"

"What about her? She's with that Steve guy."

"Yeah, but that's a temporary thing, we both know that."

Logan raised his shoulders and said, "I don't. She's barely even been talking to me lately, so I don't know what you, or her, want from me."

"Logan," Jo crossed her arms, "Camille was hurt. You seemed like you got over her so quickly."

"How? Because she cheated on me so I broke up with her? I didn't want to hold her hand because we aren't a couple anymore? I still like Camille, but what lesson would be learned if i didn't change anything? What would stop her from going and kissing Kendall, or Carlos or guitar dude, or James again?"

"It was an accident, Logan." Jo defended.

"That doesn't make any difference, she did what she did, I still like her, maybe after I've licked my wounds for a while, we can get together again, but she's the one who went and got a new boyfriend so fast."

"You went to the movies with that Peggy chick!"

"We didn't even watch it because I felt bad about things with Camille, I went to tell her and she was already with Steve."

"But what about Madison? You brought her to the table."

"She was a new girl that needed some friends. Does that make me a bad person because I invited her into our little social circle?"

"You were making out with her last night!"

"And Camille doesn't make out with Steve? If she can date someone else while we're off, why can't I?"

Jo took a step forward and looked up at Logan, "Are you going to date her though?"

Logan shrugged, because that was the real answer. He really didn't know.

"Isn't that leading her on then?"

Logan actually laughed at that remark. "If anyone is being led on it's me. Have you looked at Maddy?"

Jo looked down at the floor and then said, "Yeah, she's beautiful. That's why I'm concerned."

Logan knew what she meant so he didn't ask. Madison was beautiful. But so was Camille. They were beautiful in different ways, Camille was bright, everything she did involved a smile, she was radiant and it was part of what drew Logan to her. But Madison was dark, everything about her told him that there was some deep, underlying problem that was slowly eating away at her. And the look in her emerald eyes, the blank expression on her angelic face, even her body language, her posture, it all told him there was something wrong, and maybe he shouldn't be but Logan was curious. Curiosity did kill the cat though. When Logan looked at Camille, he automatically smiled. When Logan looked at Maddy he felt this need to help her overcome. He didn't even really quite understand it, especially since he didn't know what was causing her such adversity, but it was there in him, when he saw how broken she looked sometimes, he just longed to help her.

Jo let him leave after that. Logan wasn't sure what he established from that visit and he could only imagine what she would tell Camille, but if Camille wanted to sort things out, she needed to confront Logan directly.

He was off to find Madison then. He expected to knock on her door, but she was sitting there in the hallway her knees pulled up to her chest, and one hand covering her face.

"I'm sorry." She said. He realized that she was on the phone. Maybe eavesdropping again wasn't a good idea, but she hadn't noticed him.

"I just can't, Aaron."

"My uncle won't let me."

"I don't want to, Aaron." She said the last words like she was about to cry. He was still halfway down the hallway but he could hear static from the other end as if someone were yelling at her.

That's when Logan made himself known. He took a few loud steps towards her and said, "hey- oh." Like he just realized she was on the phone.

She looked up at him, with big watery eyes and then said, "I have to go."

She hit a button on the phone and clutched it in her hand until her knuckles turned white.

"Are you all right?" Logan asked kneeling down in front of her. She looked up to the ceiling and tried to blink away her tears. She nodded after a moment and then met his eyes, wiping under her own for any stray tear that may have slipped her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine Logan."

He took her by the hand and helped her stand. Maddy let him in to the apartment and they sat at the kitchen table, no words were exchanged. She drew imaginary pictures with her index finger on the table, Logan just watched.

"Who was that?" he asked finally.

"My own personal villain." She replied quietly. "He's also a hero, but lately, he's mostly been a villain."

They sat in silence again, Logan still looking of her face, never tiring of its beautiful features. Sometimes he feels like he could just stare at it forever and he would be happy. But her statement made him wonder, who was her villain, and why was he so terrible? But if he was so terrible, how could he be her hero as well? And if her hero was turning out to be a villain, then maybe she needed a new hero. Maybe Logan could be her hero.

"About last night," she said, "I'm sorry."

Logan felt his heart drop. Did she regret being with him last night? Sharing her cigarettes and alcohol? Did she regret kissing him?

"For?"

"When I talked to Jo today, she said that you and Camille were the off and on thing, so I'm sorry if I messed something up."

Relief washed over him. "No, no, not at all. We are off and on, but we're off right now and she's dating that Steve guy."

"She could do better." Madison said looking at Logan sideways. "Why she gave you up for him is beyond me."

Was that a compliment? Was Maddy telling Logan that he was attractive?

"Well, we broke up because she kissed James." Logan reminded her. He told her about it the first night they sat poolside.

"I know." Maddy said looking back down at the table, "you told me that. But James isn't even all that pretty."

Logan scoffed, had she really just said that? It was the first time Logan hadn't heard a girl rave over how insanely gorgeous his best friend was. Logan decided he liked her more after that statement.

"I mean, he is great looking, sure, don't get me wrong, but you." she paused. "You are so handsome."

He liked her a lot more after that one.

"Really?" Not even Camille has given him such a compliment. Hot and cute aren't as intense or meaningful as old fashioned words such as handsome. His mom and Mrs. Knight have said it to him before, but it's different coming from a girl as beautiful as Maddy.

"Yeah." She shrugged still looking at the table, she was spelling something out now, but he couldn't follow her fingers. "I mean, just everything about you, you're smart as I've figured out sitting next to you. You are just generally charming, and are an all-around gentleman. It just feels like maybe you're the last of a dying breed. Guys just kind of suck now, and looking at you, I feel like there might be hope for the rest of them."

Logan didn't know how to respond to that. He didn't know what to say. Was a thank you good enough for such an immense compliment? Suddenly he was over taken by an urge, and he acted on it. Logan Leaned forward over the corner of the table that divided them and with one hand on her on her hollowed cheek, against her soft skin, he pressed his lips against hers.

The world didn't stop, and it wasn't a fairytale moment, and now that he was sober, and the only taste in his mouth was syrup from his breakfast waffles, he could taste the lingering cigarettes on her breath, but the kiss was nice, and gentle. It was Logan's way of saying thank you. He didn't fall madly in love with her in that moment, in fact he was even feeling some confliction, because he knew he still had feelings for Camille and now he had no alcohol to hide them away. But a kiss had seemed like the right thing to do and now that he was there, kissing her, hand on her cheek, leant over the table, kissing sweetly, not as intensely as the night before, it still seemed right.

When they broke apart, Logan realized that maybe he shouldn't have done that. Maybe he would be leading her on or getting into a relationship that he didn't want and wasn't ready for. But she just looked at him, "So what does this make us?"

"I really don't know." Logan said. He felt like kind of a jerk saying it, but it was the truth. He didn't want a friend with benefits like he had been with Camille, it complicated things, there was no such thing as sex without feelings. But he wasn't sure he just wanted to leave things at friends either. Maybe they could just be friends that shared a kiss or two after an intimate moment or revealing something of meaning. Whatever they were, Logan didn't know how or when he'd find out. It would just happen, maybe something would just develop.

"Okay." There was no hint of resentment or anger, or hurt or disappointment when she said it, just an okay.

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><p><strong>AN: **So, how do you like it so far? Logan's being a bit more assertive, yeah?

Review!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **Thanks for all the love on the last chapter, I hope this one lives up to expectations. The lyrics in this chapter are from a song called Time Will Tell by Chase Foster. It's an amazing song, I recommend looking it up on youtube.

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><p>Sun Down<p>

**Chapter Seven**

_I had a smile I had to fake and a story I couldn't tell._

As much as Logan loved talking to his mom, especially since he hadn't seen her in a really long time, except for the webcam, he knew when it was time to hang up. She got this faraway tone of voice, not giving any input on what he had to say except a "really?" or a, "mhmm," and a forced laugh here and there like she was distracted. She probably was. Logan's mother was a busy woman. She loved to talk with him though, she called him often and most of the time she paid attention to what he had to say, but being a real estate agent, she was busy, if she was in the middle of a sale or trying to figure out ways to coerce a client into making an offer then their conversations wouldn't last long. She just picked up the phone to let him know she was thinking about him and missed having him home. So to Logan, it was the thought that counted.

"Mom," he said, "I'm going to let you go, all right?"

"Oh, Logan, I'm sorry. I call with the intention of talking to you, I do really, but work, it's just-"

"No, its fine mom, I understand."

"Are you still studying, hon?"

Logan sincerely wanted to be a doctor. It was his goal; it was what he aimed for. It was the reason why he studied a medical terminology book in his spare time. But his mother had been the one who planted the idea in his head at such a young age. She bought him a play stethoscope and a white coast; let him watch E.R. before he went to bed. She hyped up visits to the doctor like she would have if they were going to Chuck E Cheese. She told him her storybook voice that "Doctors are heroes. They save people's lives." Once Logan realized that he could be a hero someday, someone that other's looked up to, someone that other's needed, that's when he decided to be a doctor. But, if things didn't work out that way, he could always fall back on being a musician and he would be fine with that, maybe make a couple million dollars if he was good, live the good life, not even have to worry about having to pay back a one hundred thousand dollar student loan. That sounded okay to him too. But he felt like even if one day he was super successful, that if after Big Time Rush ran its course and he became his own musician, became rich and famous, well known all over the world, he would have disappointed his mother. It was never Logan's dream to be famous, never his dream to sing for the world, but now that he did it, he enjoyed it and while James embodied the superstar ideal, Logan also felt like it was something he could do for the rest of his life because he liked it, he liked it a lot. He got this sickly kind of gut feeling when he was undecided, and when he thought about making the decision in a year, going to college or staying in the band, it was the most prominent feeling, beating out the fear and excitement that for normal teens came along with the thought of starting college.

"Of course, I am." He replied.

"I'm really proud of you Logan. How you can remain so focused on your goal even while you're out in California enjoying yourself."

Enjoying himself? Yeah, he did enjoy himself, but this wasn't a vacation. He worked really hard at singing, dancing; he was putting himself through hell to be good enough for this band when it came so naturally to everyone else.

"Thanks mom, hey, Mrs. Knight needs me for something, I'll talk to you later, all right? Call me in a few days when you have less work."

"Okay, dear. Have a good night, I love you."

"Bye mom."

Logan set the phone on his night stand and reclined on his bed. What was he doing here in California? His mother didn't take any of this seriously. He'd come out here for James, really. They all had. But the only reason his mother allowed him to come was because she signed him up for all these events that took place at UCLA for high school students. UCLA had one of the top medical programs in the country, only the best of the best of the best got in. Logan had set his sights on attending there or Stanford and there were no doubts from anyone that he would be accepted in to _both_ schools. If the band was still together, which he figured it would be, he would chose UCLA, and if they were all going their separate ways, he'd go to Stanford. Logan Mitchell, a 4.5 GPA student, participated in community service, played hockey, and was a singer in a semi-famous boy-band as his extra circular activity. He could just imagine what his application would look like. He'd been taking his PSATs since middle school and the SATs and ACTs since his freshman year, his mother had to pull some strings for the school board to even allow that. Each year his scores improved, soon enough he figured he'd get a perfect score. He still had to take them this year and next year, which gave him close to seven hundred and thirty days to study for that perfect score.

But as important as that was to Logan, the band had become important to him too. Why did everyone just write him off when he even mentioned staying in the band instead of going to school? No one did that to James, but that was to be expected. Still he felt like if Kendall or Carlos made a comment like that they would be taken more seriously than Logan. Maybe it was because everyone held high expectations for Logan. Maybe not even high ones, just expectations. But why was he the only one with expectations forced upon him? The only expectations that people had of the other three boys was that they did something successful with their lives when the band was done. No expected Kendall to end up as the Minnesota Wilds starting center. No one expected Carlos to be the next star of Jack Ass, even though Carlos would probably be willing to do any of the stunts that Steve-O did without the drugs just because he was an idiot. James was the only one that others were expecting something out of. People expected him to live out his dreams and be famous, but that was because he wouldn't let them expect anything less. He despised pity and hated doubt more than anything. He wouldn't allow others to look at him and say, "That guy is good, but not good enough." Maybe that was what Logan lacked. He was determined, he was committed, motivated, but everything James did had passion. Logan had a tendency to be apathetic. Go with the flow, you can't change the inevitable, but James had this fire within him, it never ceased it's burning, it pushed him and pushed him, that fire was what made people actually believe that he could make it. Logan didn't have passion. He wished that he did. He resented, loved, hated and envied his best friend. If Logan could have the passion that James did, then no one would doubt him. No one would look at him and roll their eyes or encourage him up front but tear him down behind his back.

But what inspired passion? Was it something that you had to be born with? Or could it be gained? If it was something you had to be born with, then maybe Logan just had to start digging, maybe it was somewhere deep inside, hiding, because he refused to believe that he was born without it. It would be too depressing to admit that even if he did change, when it came down to the foundations he was exactly the same. But if it was something to be gained, then how did he obtain it? He'd heard that love induces passion. But a love of what? A person, a thing, an ideal? For James it was an ideal. But Logan didn't have an ideal that he wanted to badly he would give up anything, change who he was, go to the ends of the earth for it. Maybe for Logan, it would be a person that would inspire passion. Maybe for Logan he would find a woman, who would push him, who would ignite his fire, and continue to pour oil on the flame whenever he needed to be reminded of what he fighting for, what he was passionate about. But if that was it, Logan had yet to find the girl. He didn't love Camille. He liked her well enough, liked her a lot, more than he had any other girl before, but love? He was too young to know what love was anyways. He'd figure it out one day, because Logan didn't want to be alone forever. But that one day, it wasn't today.

The door to his room was flung open by Kendall, clad in his usual plaid. Logan thought that Kendall continued to wear it so often because James hated it. That's how they were with each other, all four of them. Do something merely because it irritated the others. Why were teenage boys so spiteful?

"Hey." Kendall said from the doorway.

"Hey."

"My mom is heading out tonight, taking Katie with her." Kendall informed.

"Where are they going?"

Kendall shrugged, "I don't know. I'm sleeping over at Jo's."

Logan sat up when Kendall said that, "How are you doing that?"

"Her dad's out of town for the next three days." He grinned wickedly.

Logan rolled his eyes, "Don't even want to know."

The blond laughed and said, "My mom issued this warning to you, 'Don't get drunk!'."

"That's it?" Logan asked skeptically. Mrs. Knight had been keeping her watchful eye on him lately. Smelling him when he walked by. She was just being motherly but it was weird.

Kendall shrugged, "You know my mom, she's weird."

"That's for sure."

"Hey, be nice. Only I can insult her."

Logan rolled his eyes again, "So is that it?"

Kendall shook his head, "No, my mom just left, but Madison is here to see you, so that's why my mom issued the warning."

Logan was off his bed and pushing past Kendall quickly. "Thanks, bro."

"No problem, but hey, is there, you know, something between you two?" he asked kind of awkwardly. Guys didn't really ask about each other's love lives, sex lives, sure. They wanted to know which girls would be worth the pursuit, but when it came to the actual, "Do you like her?" conversations things got weird.

Logan shrugged, "No, don't think so."

But Logan wasn't too sure on whether or not that was the truth because he liked Madison, and she seemed to like him, but it was just in a weird phase. They hadn't kissed since the day after they drank together, but the time spent together had been increasing.

Down the stairs he could hear James; he was undoubtedly talking to Maddy. As he rounded the corner, he saw him, leaning on his elbows on the island counter while Maddy sat on one of the swiveling chairs on the other side of the counter. James was smiling and Maddy seemed to be, but Logan had been blessed with the privilege of seeing what she looked like when she really smiled, and what she was giving James, while still stunning, wasn't it.

"Maybe you could come by the studio sometime." James said.

Maddy shrugged, "Sure. It'd be cool to watch. I've always wanted to see Logan in action."

Logan felt this triumphant smile spreading across his face as he entered the room. He wanted to simply turn to James throw his arms up in the air and say, "What bitch!" but he didn't. Did James have to have everyone? Did he have to get every single girl that was even remotely attractive? Maddy just told him she would go to see Logan, not James. He wondered if James felt something similar to what Logan was. Logan had never been chosen over James, and James had never been second choice to anyone.

"Hey." Logan said.

Both Madison and James looked at him simultaneously. James scowled slightly, Logan always appeared at the right time so that James could never really make a move on Maddy, but he felt like Maddy would refuse James even if he did get his chance.

Maddy smiled at him, the same one she'd been giving James. Seeing her really smile was a rare feat, and it always came so unexpectedly. Logan was always blown away, at a loss for words, frozen by the beauty of it. Logan still looked at her and marveled every chance he got, but sometimes he still wondered how she could be real.

"Hi Maddy." He said quietly as she wrapped her slender arms around him. They'd gotten into the habit of hugging, with such a slight height difference; her head was pressed against his cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment breathing her in. He'd come to learn by how strongly she smelled of smoke what kind of a day she was having. If it was a good day, she wouldn't smell of it as much, but if it was a bad day, it was almost suffocating; with every movement of her body he'd get another whiff. She didn't have a set number that she smoked per day, it ranged from one single cigarette to two packs, it all depended on her day, her mood, and how the world around her affected her.

James watched indifferently as the two friends hugged, he didn't know Maddy like Logan did, so he wasn't jealous, but he was kind of amazed that she would prefer the company of Hortence Mitchell over James Diamond.

"I was just about to head down to the pool." James stated, "Did you guys want to join me?"

Logan looked to Madison, she'd come here to hang out with him, he assumed, so he would let her decide.

"Oh, I actually just took a shower not too long ago. Sorry, James." She smiled apathetically at him. James shrugged it off, but Logan could see that his pride was shot which meant that he probably wouldn't be returning to 2J tonight and if he did he wouldn't be alone.

Logan sat down next to her once James left them alone. He swung on his chair to face her and she did the same.

"So what brings you here?" he asked.

She shrugged, "I was all by my lonesome, in need of some friendly company."

Logan smiled at her and he could see the start of one pulling on her lips. Why was it so hard for her to smile?

"Why don't you ever swim?" Logan asked. It was a question he'd been wanting to ask for a while now. When she had first moved in it'd been mid-September but it was late October now and they'd sat together by the pool plenty of times but she never got in, she never even wore a bikini or bathing suit to lounge. Always just shorts and a shirt.

"What are you talking about?"

Logan shrugged, "I just mean, it's hot here and there's a pool, but you never get in."

This time she shrugged and turned on the chair to face the empty kitchen, looking down at her hands on the counter she said, "It's just not my thing."

Logan didn't push, though he wasn't completely satisfied with the answer. That happened a lot with Madison. He would ask a question and she'd answer, whether it was a lie or not, most of the time Logan didn't know, but a lot of her answers left him feeling like there was something left out, something she wouldn't say. He never pushed it though, it was always there, the tone of her voice, like it drifted and she was going far away. He felt that if he pushed too far he'd lose her. She'd get lost in her mind, recede so deeply that she would never find her way out again.

"What did you want to do?" Logan changed the topic.

"Let's go to the roof." She met his eyes, and there was almost a look longing, a pleading cry for him to join her on the roof. Hopefully she wouldn't push him over the edge.

"Okay."

He always agreed to whatever she wanted to do. Logan liked to see her happy, content, and sometimes while they were doing the simplest of things, she would close her eyes, tilt her head back and just smile. Logan enjoyed that face, and so ever since the first time he saw it, he'd been doing whatever he could to see it again and again. She hadn't asked him to do anything reckless since they spent that night together, pool side, drinking and smoking, bodies close, lips attached, no room for talking. But sometimes she would just ask for him to join her on a walk to the park, or take her to the movies, just sit with her for a while, like his company was slowly healing some internal wound, because when she was with him, she could smile. When Logan saw her walking around with the rest of the world, her exterior looked so firm, her strides confident, her shoulders back, head held high, but it was all in her eyes, all in her facial features. Her apple colored eyes were so expressive, Logan learned that it was the reason she wore sunglasses. They could hide her eyes, which most of the time looked terribly sad. But while she was with Logan, she didn't look sad; she looked like she was remembering something she thought fondly of.

Logan followed her out of the apartment, making sure to grab his keys on the way. If Kendall was going to be out and James was most likely going to be out there was no way Carlos planned on spending the evening alone in the apartment.

They walked silently down the hallway, something Logan really enjoyed about Madison's company was that nothing was forced, if there was nothing to be said, nothing had to be said. They didn't have awkward silences; they never searched for the words to strike up a conversation, if they weren't coming naturally then what was the point?

In the empty elevator, she took hold of his hand like she had a habit of doing. He'd never asked why she did it, out of the fear that maybe she would stop. He liked the way her hand with hers, clasped together tightly like she was a child crossing the street and Logan was the chaperone, he was the one who would keep her safe, push her out of the way when the car ran that red light. If she needed him to be, then Logan could be her hero. He could replace the one who had turned villainous and brought her to tears over the phone, the one who left her with hurt in her eyes, the one who made the real Maddy fade away and become a shell.

Logan still didn't know who this hero/villain was, and the only thing he knew about the guy was that his name was Aaron. Logan assumed that she knew him from where she used to live in West Hollywood, maybe he was an old friend. He'd only caught Maddy on the phone with him a few times, but every time she ended the conversation she seemed so hollow. Now when Logan saw Madison, he didn't see this beautiful, dangerous creature, the one who walked with the upmost confidence and who seemed like such a badass, as he had when they first met. Now when he saw her, she was still as beautiful as she had been that first day, maybe even more so because he was getting to know who Maddy really was, and she was fragile, this hollow, broken person who needed help, but didn't know how to ask. Logan wanted to be there for her so that he could be the one that did it, the moment she got the courage to ask for some assistance. He still had yet to find out as to why Maddy was the way she was, he still didn't' know why this Aaron character had such an effect on her, and he didn't know what the scars on her legs were from. Long, thin, pink scars embroidered her shins and decorated her knees. They weren't bright and visible from afar, just when you were close enough to get a good look at them.

She let didn't let go of his hand when they reached the top floor. No one they knew lived up there, and it wouldn't really matter if anyone saw them holding hands. It was mostly the older talent, late twenties, early thirties that lived up on the higher level floors, so no one up there would have any interest in them and speculate about a relationship between the two. No one would run off and tell Camille or Jo, or any of the guys about it. They were friends, and friends could hold hands in peace once you got above level six.

They reached the end of the hall and the door that led to the stairwell. Logan held the door open for Maddy and he followed only a few steps behind as they walked up the two flights of stairs that led to the door that blocked their destination.

"We need a key." Logan pointed out.

Maddy grinned at him, "You forget who my uncle is." She pulled out a small bronze key from her pocket and sure enough when she put it in the door, it fit perfect, she turned the lock and let Logan go ahead of her.

The door slammed shut behind them and a cool autumn breeze rushed gently past them, sending Maddy's hair flying up and around her face. Logan smiled and reached out to push the strands from her eyes and clear her face.

The roof was lined with fencing so that no one could fall, Logan deemed that a good idea. Especially somewhere like the Palm Woods where so many people had all these big city dreams, and being as dramatic as most are, they might throw themselves off if their dreams were short-lived.

They sat together on some piping; Maddy had taken hold of his hand once more. They looked out over the cityscape, sky scrapers lined the streets and began to fade far off in the distance, as the sun set before them, and the tall buildings cast long shadows on the streets below.

The sky was yellow, orange and pink, like you would see in some Travel magazine over a beach setting, something that looked fake, or photo shopped, as the colors had been enhanced. But it was the real sky before them, the sun going, but still shinning, and spreading its warmth and splendor. It was beautiful to watch from above where the buildings didn't hinder your view, at least not much. The colors faded into one another, and blended so perfectly, it was incredible and beautiful, such an awesome sight.

"It's beautiful." Madison said her eyes still on the sky before them.

"It is." Logan agreed, but instead of the sky he was now focused on the way the light hit her face. Her eyes seemed almost clear as the sun lit them. Her pale skin had some color to it from the reflection of the sky, and her lips hung just slightly ajar, _she_ was so beautiful. What or who could hold a candle to this girl with the angelic face and the damaged heart? She was so pretty. But she was so much more that pretty. She was created from God's reserve of beauty, how could she be born of anything less? It was one of those moments, as her hair blew in the wind, she closed her eyes, tilted her head back ever so slightly and let a smile and look of contentment overcome her. And in that moment, Logan asked himself once again, how was it possible for someone to be so beautiful? Did any other word describe her? She was so elegant, so extremely pretty, as no one he had seen before and no matter what she looked like, or what she was wearing, if he had one word to describe her, all of her, not just her appearance, he would use the word beautiful. Like the word itself was made just for her.

"I love it up here." She said opening her eyes once more and looking back to the sky.

"You've come before?"

"Mhmm."

Logan turned his eyes from her face and looked back to the sky, overcome with this feeling of amazement, how such a simple moment with someone who meant something to him could change the look of the world around him. The sky was as it had been before, but it seemed like so much more now. It had been enhanced; Madison's beauty had been projected in the cityscape.

"I wish," she said, "that one day, someone would like at me like this."

Logan looked back to her. "Like what?"

She met his gaze and said, "The way people look at the sun down. When it sets, no matter what, it is always beautiful. It doesn't matter what kind of day someone has had, or what has been done to them, people can always look at the sun down and appreciate it's beauty."

She paused and looked back at it, "It's so pure. People look at it and watch the sun go down like it's their first love, like it's something that they'll always hold as a part of them. I want," she paused again, "I want for someone to need me, and look at me like I'm pure and beautiful, no matter what happens. I want to be someone's sun down."

"You will be." Logan assured her. "One day, you'll be someone's sun down."

She smiled at him, one her genuine smiles and he thought to himself, how could someone not look at her like she was the sun down?

"I like being around you, Logan." She said looking down at her feet.

"I like being around you too." He answered.

She shook her head, "you don't get it."

"What?"

Her gaze returned to the receding sun and she replied, "I don't know what it is about you, but you just…. You kind of make me feel complete."

He wanted to ask how she meant that, but she spoke up again before he got the chance, he'd paused taken aback by the comment.

"I just feel so lost all the time." She spoke quietly, "I feel empty, and I don't know how to fix it, or change it, I don't know what I'm supposed to do to fill the void, but when I'm around you, nothing hurts quite as bad."

How was he supposed to respond to that? Glad to be of service? Madison had taken her hand away from his a while ago, held it together with the other one in her lap. So Logan reached over and took it into his, he laced his fingers with hers and scooted closer to her. She rested her head on his shoulder and Logan felt content, together with her, on the roof, he felt like she'd finally let her walls down, she was vulnerable, telling him how she really felt. He admired her for it, he'd yet to be able to discuss his own feelings aloud, let alone with the people they concerned.

"Maddy?" He said.

"Hmm?"

"Why are you really here at the Palm Woods?"

"I can't tell you." she whispered.

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><p><strong>AN: **So, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I love the way this came out. This chapter is obviously where the title comes in and it will be mentioned again in later chapters.

Love you all.

Leave reviews, yeah?


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Sorry this took so long! The reviews I get on this story are such a self-esteem boost, I love them. Thanks so much, you guys are great for even reading it. :]

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><p>Sun Down<p>

**Chapter Eight**

_Oh just hide your heart anywhere. _

Logan stood alone outside of the Palm Woods. He was trying to catch a bit of air, but all that filled his lungs was smog. It was better than suffocating inside the lobby with everyone. Logan had been spending most of his time with Madison but she was gone to West Hollywood to visit her parents for a few days. She'd left Monday, it was Wednesday, and she wouldn't be back until Friday evening. A week without her hadn't sounded bad at first, Logan didn't really fancy himself attached to her, but she had been preoccupying most of his life as of late, without her, things were different. They seemed slower, shallower, less important, empty even. Every morning he walked in to class and sat down, then stared at the door waiting for her to enter in with this air of grandeur, fooling everyone into thinking she was this confident girl, showing them only her cool exterior. But Logan knew Maddy, she'd let him in, he was beneath her skin, and she was under his. Logan still didn't know why she was at the Palm Woods, and what the reason behind the haunted look in her eyes was, but he felt like he knew more than anyone else did so far. Meanwhile she knew just about everything about him, Logan was an open book, easy to read, he had no reasons to keep secrets from Maddy. It bothered him that she had to hide so much. He just wanted to help her; he wanted to know what was wrong. He wanted to know what made it so hard for her to smile.

"Hey."

To his left, Camille stood, her hands shoved in the pockets of her sweater, her curly hair blowing around her face from the light breeze. She looked up at him from those dark eyes that used to scare him, and then turn him on, and then made him sad. If Camille and James hadn't kissed, they'd still be together right now, and the boys wouldn't be trying to teach her new boyfriend how to play hockey in the lobby.

"Hi." He said looking down at his shoes, shifting his weight slightly. It'd been a while since the two had exchanged words, let alone by themselves.

"Why are you out here alone?"

He shrugged and turned his gaze towards the sky, the air was considerably cooler, a sure sign that winter was on its way. Even though it was California, the weather did take a temperature drop eventually. It was never as cold as Minnesota, at least not ever anywhere near Los Angeles. For the boys, the weather was mild, cold enough to wear a jacket, and a scarf, but never a point to where frost bite was an active threat. He always rolled his eyes when people complained about the cold. They didn't know what cold was. They'd never been stuck in the house due to a blizzard.

"It was just a bit much in there."

Camille nodded slowly, "yeah, it gets like that. Especially with you guys around."

Logan half smiled, "What can I say? We're the life of the party."

They stood silently for a moment, Logan felt pressure to think of something to say, Camille wasn't like Madison, she wasn't just fine with long silences, she liked conversation, interaction. With Maddy, just being near her, staying around during the moments of silence was enough interaction for her. Something would be said eventually, and if it wasn't fine.

"How are things with Steve?" Logan finally asked, figuring it was the polite thing to do. They were still friends, weren't they? Granted they hadn't talked much as of late, but that didn't erase all of the past times they had together.

"Fine." She replied quickly. "He's really nice."

"I'm sure he is."

"I think the two of you would get along."

Logan chuckled lightly shaking his head. Camille looked up at him confused, "What?"

"That's never a good thing, when ex-boyfriend and current boyfriend are friends."

"Why not?"

"It's just common knowledge."

"Fill me in."

"One is always jealous of the other." He explained.

"Are you jealous of him?" She asked quietly.

"Is that why you're dating him?" Logan met her eyes, actually very curious as to what the answer to that question would be. But they were interrupted by none other than Steve himself.

"Hey babe," he wrapped his arms around Camille, a clearly possessive act, "Logan."

Logan nodded to Steve, then excused himself and headed back into the lobby. Kendall and Jo were publicly displaying their affection, kissing like they were alone while they were in the midst of the lobby. He could only imagine what would happen if Mr. Taylor walked in and saw them like that, and maybe it was cruel, but he actually kind of wished that Jo's father the military man would walk in and catch them.

It was amazing to see that Carlos actually had the undivided attention of the brunette Jenifer that he so loved while James had the attention of the other two. Logan felt Carlos was foolish for even pursing Jenifer while Stephanie would be a much easier, much nicer, but equally pretty target. Sure she'd gone out with James once or twice, but it was obvious that Stephanie held some affection for the short boy. Logan was no tower, and next to James he still looked a considerably small, but Carlos was barely five six.

"Logan," the blonde Jenifer called out to him. He almost ignored her, kept on walking, he should have but he didn't. He was Logan who came running whenever he was called. He liked to think that Madison was slowly helping him change that. Since being around her people had given him a different kind of respect, he was the only one who'd been able to befriend the most beautiful girl at the Palm Woods.

"Yeah?"

"Where's your girlfriend?" She was referring of course to Madison. The blonde Jenifer was the head bitch, she ruled the pool, commanded the attention of all the males within a certain radius, and got whatever or whoever she wanted. She was used to be the one that all eyes fixated on while in the room, but with Maddy around, some things had changed. She was still the head bitch, she still got whatever and whoever she wanted, but Maddy had command of all male attention when she walked by, Maddy was the one that eyes watched from across the room. She was a face that Jenifer could only ever dream of having, Logan thought. Jenifer was attractive and a lot of it had to do with the way she carried herself, but Madison was beautiful and on a whole other level, everyone seemed to acknowledge that, and it irritated the hell out of the blonde Jenifer. But even she seemed to hold some respect for the image that Maddy portrayed, Logan personally thought that Jenifer was just afraid if she confronted Maddy that she would get her ass kicked. Actually Logan was pretty sure that that might be accurate, at least verbally. Jenifer wasn't fat by any means, but Madison was skin and bones. While Jenifer was mean, Maddy was quick and clever, witty. Logan had no doubt that if Jenifer tried to insult Madison, the response from the steely exterior of the troubled young girl would be ten times worse than anything Jenifer could ever say.

"She's out of town, back to West Hollywood for the week." Logan answered, it just seemed to irritate her more, Madison even came from a better background.

"You should make sure she doesn't have her fingers down her throat." Without Madison actually around, Jenifer could say whatever she wanted.

"She's so anorexic." The other Jenifer added in.

Logan glanced to James who sat with them, he didn't make any remark, but he didn't step up to defend Maddy's honor either, she'd burned him too many times, always implying that she would rather be around Logan.

Logan smiled at the Jenifer's and before he knew what he was saying it was already coming out of his mouth. "Jealousy is an ugly attribute Jenifer. I'd tell you to take your own advice about the fingers, but you probably don't have much of a gag reflex anymore anyways." He tilted his head toward James.

Three mouths dropped and six eyes widened, but Logan was walking away before any comeback could be made. He knew he would hear something about it from James later, he just wasn't sure if it would be a commendation or a condemnation. They were words that Logan never would have let himself say before, they wouldn't have even come to mind, and yet he was walking away feeling almost smug about what he'd said. His intentions hadn't been to be cruel to the Jenifer's when he opened his mouth to respond, at least not consciously. Maybe his subconscious Id was coming out to play without permission. All Logan knew was that he'd wanted to change, himself, his image, and slowly it seemed to be working. Maddy gave him an entirely different persona. She made him seem cool, worth taking the time to get to know, being around her also inspired Logan not to take so much shit from everyone, because Madison walked around like she ruled the world and shit talking to her would not be tolerated whatsoever. Why should Logan tolerate it? Logan had even gone shopping recently, trading in his old brand-less jeans, for some dark denim, clean designer jeans. Almost all of his money made from being in the band was going to college, but a small amount was set aside for him to spend, the thing was, he hadn't spent any of it yet except for the occasional movie ticket or admission into Disneyland or Universal Studios. So he had plenty of cash to spare on buying a new wardrobe, he'd even been talked into one of those cool, new, stylish leather jackets by the sales man at the store where he bought his jeans. Slowly but surely Logan was becoming less of who he was, and changing himself into someone that he actually wanted to be. Someone that people wouldn't just write off as a nerd, someone that people would double take on the streets. He wouldn't be a pushover for much longer. He wouldn't be outshined by everyone anymore. The world would know Logan's name because of Big Time Rush, and he wouldn't just be the misplaced guy in the band, the one that was friends with the other's, just tagging along really. He would be Logan Mitchell, and he would be admired and have just as many fans as James Diamond. Logan was pushing himself to get to a point where second best would not be tolerated.

"Logan, honey, come here will you?" Mrs. Knight called to him when he entered through the front door, how'd she known it was him was a mystery since she had her back to the door. Maybe it was just a motherly thing.

"Yeah, Mrs. Knight?"

"Hon, I'm trying to make cookies, and for the life of me I can't figure out how to convert the measurements, or whatever!"

"Why do you need to?" he asked skeptically, "Shouldn't everything be in the American standard of measurements?"

"I got the recipe online and everything is in the metric system, or whatever it's called, I just know that you have a brain and I failed most of my science classes in high school." She put a hand on her hip and held up a measuring cup.

Logan smiled, "Sure thing Mrs. Knight."

He sat down at the counter on one of the swiveling bar stools and began to work out the conversions. Logan was trying to change, but at the same time, nothing about him had changed at all. He was still a sweetheart, still very obedient and interested in learning. He was neat and kept his belongings well organized, it was one of the reasons he and Carlos chose to room together, believe it or not, Carlos kept his things reasonably organized as well. While James wasn't terrible, Kendall was horrific. Logan liked those things about himself; they were things that he didn't want to change. He didn't want to be a bad ass, just not a push over; he didn't want to be the most popular guy around, just noticed.

When James entered the apartment, he sat on the couch next to Logan. The tension between them had been resolved, James let off him, gave him some space, and Logan eventually missed his best friend. They were good again, this time for real.

"So, Logan," he said in a hushed voice, Mrs. Knight was still in the kitchen trying her best to make cookies now that Logan had come to the rescue. "What was that all about?"

Logan shrugged. "She just irritates me."

"I know she's a bitch, but come on man; I don't think you've ever said anything that made you seem like a bigger asshole. Hell, I rarely even say things like that." James nudged his friend.

"She's offended only because it's true." Logan replied nonchalantly. What he said wasn't bothering him in the slightest. She deserved it. Jenifer didn't know Madison, she didn't know who she really was, she didn't know how fragile she was beneath her cool façade.

James laughed and said, "Yeah, well you're right about that."

They watched the commercial on TV for State Farm, the home, auto, life insurance provider something about the agent buying a woman's husband a falcon. It was ridiculous, meant to be funny and maybe the first time they saw it, it was, now it was old and boring, annoying even.

"Personally," James spoke up again, "I have to say congrats on finally growing a pair dude. Logie's not a wimp anymore."

Logan grinned, "You'd best watch what you say, I'll beat your ass."

"Ooh, I'm so scared." He rolled his eyes sarcastically.

"I've got medical dictionary upstairs, hardcover, thicker than a phone book."

"Please no, if you hit me with that, I might learn something!"

The pair laughed, things felt good between them again. They were finally friends, just like the way things used to be. The resentment that Logan had been feeling towards James had fizzled out, and now Logan saw him as a target, someone to beat, a standard to reach, a goal to surpass, something to keep him motivated.

Carlos soon joined James and Logan on the couch while they watched Zombieland for the umpteenth time. It was a great movie. Violent, gory, funny, and it had Emma Stone in it, what more did you need? Mrs. Knight finally finished her cookies and for once, they were edible. She left the plate with the boys and by the time Kendall returned to 2J there were only a few left.

The four of them sat on the couch in front of the TV and laughed, talked, insulted each other, threw popcorn at each other, and smiled for a long time that night. It felt like they were back in Minnesota. They'd been in California for a while now, and it had been a while since they weren't all caught up in the moment. When they came out to California they promised they would never let Hollywood change them, and that lasted until Hollywood fever struck. But after they'd been cured, things were normal again for a while, but things had slowly begun to progress and they weren't the kids they had been in Minnesota anymore. The changes had been gradual, but they were there nonetheless. There was nothing Logan could point out directly and just say "this is different" about his friends, but the changes were there, they were subtle. It seemed like everyone had become more sure of themselves. Logan was still progressing there, but it was coming along. A lot of his new found confidence came from Maddy, she always told him that he was a wonderful person, he was great, he was handsome, she loved his voice, dancing looked like it came so easy to him, he was smart and he was all around just a good person. When someone tells you those things enough you begin to believe them and Logan was getting to the point where he beginning to believe what Maddy saw in him.

When Friday rolled around, Logan found himself anxious. He didn't know why, of course it was because Maddy was finally coming back from West Hollywood, he'd been texting her, and she seemed fine, but the last time she'd gone, she'd come back with a couple bruises and seemed so hopeless. He hated seeing her like that. When she'd left she'd been at a point where smiling wasn't much of a feat anymore, at least not around Logan. They'd spent many nights up on the rooftop again, watching the sun go down. They'd even gotten up early, wrapped in warm pajamas and blankets to go watch the sunrise. Logan didn't know what in West Hollywood ailed her, but whatever it had been, she seemed to be getting better, forgetting about the past. He was afraid that she would come back and have reverted back to the way she'd been when they first became friends. Even though he was worried about this, it didn't fit the feeling of anxiety, it was something different, something he couldn't put his finger on.

Logan rolled into class alongside his three best friends and sat down next to Madison's empty desk. He looked at it for a moment, reveling in the fact that come next Monday morning it would not be an empty chair that left him feeling like there was something missing to his right. Today, after class he'd get to see Maddy, he wasn't quite sure when, she just said she'd be back on Friday afternoon.

The Jenifer's walked past him with glares and the blonde one even went so far as to flip him off without even sparing him a glance. He actually laughed at that, finding it rather amusing. Because he was right, she wouldn't be so offended if it weren't entirely true, besides, James confirmed the fact.

The day went by normally, Logan continued in class as the brain, he was frequently asked for the answer to questions and James who sat right beside him just casually leaned over and peeked at his answers. Kendall peeked over his shoulder and Carlos got the answers from the other two. While in the classroom, Logan even forgot that he was waiting anxiously for Maddy to return.

James and Carlos waited for him to gather his things after class, Kendall was swept off by Jo and Camille joined by Steven. Logan wasn't bothered by him so much anymore, but that didn't mean he liked seeing them together. Logan tended to lag so he wouldn't have to be a part of their group, and besides, most of the time he was accompanied by Maddy. Camille and Jo didn't particularly like her. Camille because she thought Maddy had replaced her and Jo because apparently it was wrong for Logan to like someone else while Camille had a new boyfriend that supposedly wasn't "permanent". Was Logan supposed to be?

"Dude, hurry up, you're lagging." Carlos whined.

"Then go, I'm cool, you don't have to wait." Logan said as he zipped up his backpack. So Carlos left, bounding off to catch up with Guitar dude and maybe cut in line for a smoothie, James waited patiently. They exited together and standing there outside the classroom was Maddy. Her dark blonde hair piled messily atop her head in a bun, a pair of black sweats and a tight fitting white tank top, it showed just how skinny she was, and for a moment Logan hoped that the Jenifer's hadn't been right about Maddy, he hoped she wasn't anorexic or making herself throw up. But mostly, he was just glad to see her, a wide smile spreading across his face, and grin sweeping across hers.

James patted Logan on the back and said, "I'm off to the pool." He smiled at Maddy and left Logan in the hall with the girl he hadn't realized how much he missed. Seeing her filled him with joy, it was kind of inexplicable, but he was happier to see her than he figured he would be. Their arms opened wide and Logan found a kind of peace holding Maddy in his arms, nuzzling his face into her neck and inhaling deeply. She only smelled faintly of cigarettes, he felt a wave of relief as well, he'd been worried.

"It feels like it's been a lot longer than a week." She smiled when they pulled apart.

"It does, doesn't it?"

They walked to the elevator together, and Maddy followed him back to 2J so he could put his things away, and then they made their way up to her apartment.

"Does your uncle know you're back yet?" he asked.

She nodded, "He picked me up this morning. It feels good to be back."

"You aren't homesick for West Hollywood?"

She paused for a minute, "there are some things, some people I miss, but the majority of them I don't."

"Are your parents the ones you miss?"

"Yeah, they're great. I love them, in fact I feel bad that I've put them through so much, but they sent me here because I needed to be way away."

"From the people you don't miss?"

She looked down and tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear, then nodded, "Yeah." She gave a carefree shrug, and tried to smile, but Logan knew what her real smiles looked like and that wasn't one of them. He frowned. Why couldn't she talk to him? What was so terrible? Wasn't he trust worthy yet? Maybe that wasn't it, maybe it just hurt to talk about it. But still, that didn't ease Logan's mind in fact it only worried him more. What had she been through? It seemed like she was dealing with more than any teenager should. What was she going through? Who was putting her through it? Was it any of his business? Did that question even matter? Madison meant something to him now, she was quickly becoming his favorite person to be around, whether she was smiling or frowning, whether she was mentally there or receded back into her own mind, it didn't matter. Logan just liked to look at her pretty face, be in her easy presence. She said that he comforted her, but it went both ways.

They sat together in Maddy's room, light from the sun, filling the room, coming in through the window, music playing softly in the background on a CD by some band Logan had never heard of but liked well enough. She was telling him about her trip back home with her head in his lap, examining the spilt ends of her hair, occasionally meeting his eyes and smiling up at him. It felt like some almost romantic scene from some indie movie that would never be as recognized as it should be.

When she stopped talking, she still had her head in Logan's lap and he was idly running his fingers through her hair. Maddy's dark green eyes had closed, eyes lidded, hiding the color he had come to admire so much. She was breathing steadily, and for a moment he almost thought she might have fallen asleep.

His eyes roamed the room, it was still pretty bare. There was a Big Time Rush poster hung on the wall, she'd gotten in one day and surprised Logan. He distinctly remembered wanting to kiss her after she smiled at him unveiling it. He hadn't of course; it had been a long while now since they had kissed. It was some far gone, past time, a distant memory. But sometimes Logan lied awake in bed staring up at the ceiling picturing Madison's flawless face and remembered what her lips felt like against his, the feel of her body in his hands, the weight of her in his lap. He liked to relive that night they spent drinking and smoking and kissing poolside. It was one of his favorite memories.

She had a single picture in a frame on top of the dresser that was pushed up against the far left wall. Aside from the frame it was cluttered with jewelry and accessories. But next to the door hanging on a nail were the same old, worn down pair of ballet slippers.

"Do you dance?" he asked her.

Madison didn't respond, he thought maybe she really was sleeping. Then she opened her eyes and looked towards the slippers. She didn't say anything for a long time, just looking at them while Logan looked down at her face. Her eyes looked hard, as if the slippers were just a reminder of some bad memory.

She closed her eyes and turned away from the slippers, her head still in his lap, and Logan tried not to let her hear his breathing hitch, she was now facing Logan's body, her face looking directly at his zipper. The last thing Logan needed was to pop a boner with Maddy's face in his lap. So he tried his best to think of something else.

"Not anymore." She said quietly. Her voice was flat, emotionless. He wanted to pry, and ask why she stopped did it have something to do with the reason she was here? But she had curled up beside him now, her body wasn't relaxed and stretched out anymore, her hair covered her face like she was trying to hide from him. So he didn't say anything, he just let stay the way she was.

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><p><strong>AN: **So, not much going on in this chapter, there will be a time lapse in the next one, and maybe the one after as well. I hope you liked it!

Review?


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **No one liked the last chapter, I only got one review D; anywho, I hope you like this one better.

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><p>Sun Down<p>

**Chapter Nine**

_Your eyes turn white in the bright light._

Logan sat with Madison on the couch in 2J watching the food network. Why they were watching it, neither really knew, but Logan figured it had something to do with the fact that they were both really warm and comfortable under the blanket they shared and the remote was on the other end of the couch. If anyone ever entered the room he'd ask them to grab it, but for now, the food network would do.

"Hey Logan," Maddy said. She sat beside him with her legs curled up beside her, head leaning on Logan's shoulder while his own head rested on hers.

"Hmm?"

"My mom sent me tickets to a show; it's in West Hollywood, two weeks from now. Do you want to go with me?"

"Sure." He replied automatically, why wouldn't he want to go anywhere with Madison? "What kind of show?"

"It's a- it's a ballet."

Maddy used to dance ballet, she'd told him that when he asked about the slippers a while back, but he hadn't pried. He didn't know why she stopped dancing, but he wanted to. Maddy was such a mystery, a puzzle with a million pieces. Logan had only been able to put together the outer pieces; every once in a while finding center pieces that might connect but never quite knew where to go from there. She was complicated and problematic, he couldn't just figure her out, it was one of the things about her that kept him so intrigued. That and the fact that she had the most beautiful face he'd ever seen. It seemed like the more he looked at it, it just got increasingly beautiful. Her green eyes held so much promise, and so much pain. She was so thin and fragile, her hip bones, collar bones and ribs protruding. But Logan had learned that she had the body of a dancer, or at least a ballet dancer, most were skin and bone. It didn't stop Logan from thinking she was much smaller than need be.

"The Nutcracker," she said, "Christmas is only a few weeks away now."

"I've never seen it." He replied.

"I danced as Clara once."

It was the first Madison had ever volunteered anything about her dancing. Logan didn't know who Clara was in the performance, but he assumed it was a good position.

"If you don't want to go Logan, it's okay."

"No," he said immediately, "I do. I want to go with you."

She smiled at him, "Thanks."

There was word that Camille landed a new acting role. He'd heard it spread through the Palm Woods residents, she hadn't actually told him herself, though since she made the effort to talk to him outside the Palm Woods a few weeks ago, there was less tension. Steve still clung to her possessively whenever Logan was around, but Camille didn't glare at Madison and had the courtesy to smile at him. But that was it.

"Camille's got a lead role dude." James said as he flopped down on Logan's bed. Logan wasn't on the bed, instead sitting at the makeshift desk in the corner of his and Carlos's room doing his homework, and reading up on the latest medical journals.

"So I've heard."

"Have you congratulated her?"

Logan stopped writing and stared blankly at the papers before him. No, no he hadn't. "No."

"Are you going to? I mean I know things have been well, yeah, you know, but still- she's your friend, isn't she?"

Logan didn't like how everyone was making him out to be the bad guy just because he and Camille aren't tight anymore. It was her fault. Everything was her fault. It was her fault they weren't dating anymore, it was her fault they never got back together, and it's her fault that they don't talk anymore. Logan never alienated her; she went off and got a new boyfriend then decided to not talk to him anymore. Lately things had been a bit better, smiles and hello's even an awkward dinner with the guys and her new boyfriend but still, Camille was the one keeping a distance. No, Logan wasn't spending all of his time chasing after her because well, one, she had a boyfriend and two, he was with Maddy. When he was with Maddy, quite honestly, who is Camille? Logan thought that maybe he'd moved on. Every once in a while he'd still wish that things had never changed between them, but they had and there was nothing he could do.

"Of course I am, chill out, I just found out, like today."

"So did I," James said, "but I gave her a bear hug and sang congratulations to her."

Logan rolled his eyes. "You're closer to her than I am."

"You were her boyfriend."

Logan wanted to bite out, "Until you changed that." But he didn't because Logan was over their kiss. Whatever, it happened, it sucked, oh well.

"Yeah, I know, but I'm not anymore, and she never really wants to talk to me anyways."

"That's not what she told me." James said a bit more seriously.

Logan closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. Did Camille have an ulterior motive? Was she trying to turn everyone against him? Could no one see that she is the reason for all this stupid shit going on between them? She was the one that kissed James, but Logan was the bad guy for not wanting to still date her. She cheated!

"What did she tell you?" Logan swiveled around in his char to face James. He had his pencil in his hands still, tapping it against his palm.

James sat up and shrugged, "Just, well, she misses you. She feels like you guys aren't even friends anymore."

"James," Logan said in a very controlled voice. "Camille is the one who got a boyfriend and stopped talking to me, how is this my fault?"

James shrugged, "I'm not saying it is, but I am saying that she's jealous of Maddy and that she and Steve are on the verge of a break up."

She should be jealous of Maddy, because Maddy was strangely everything to Logan. They weren't dating and they hadn't kissed for a long time now, but being around her made breathing easier, it made living better. She was this beautiful creature, wounded and defenseless. Logan looked at her like she was the sun. Bright and shining, radiating warmth, and on cloudy days he missed her dearly.

"So what does that mean for me?"

"Well, if you ever wanted another chance with Camille, this might be it dude." James fell back again on the bed, "besides it's not like you and Maddy are dating anyways."

Suddenly it kind of hit Logan. Even if any of this was truth, this was what James wanted. He was being subtly manipulative, it worked, always on everyone, but Logan was smarter than the other's and he was quicker to catch it than most. If Logan dated Camille again, there was no doubt that he and Maddy would spend much less time together. Maddy was a flightless bird, while James was a prowling tiger, a predator waiting to pounce. Madison knew how to handle herself, but James could be very convincing.

The thought of Logan leaving Madison alone to defend herself against James made him frown. The thought of James pursing Maddy made his blood boil. James would only care about getting in her pants, adding her to his lists of conquests. He wouldn't care about what lay beneath the surface, he wouldn't care about making sure she was okay, finding out what haunted her, soothing her troubled mind. Logan cared about Maddy like that, he just wanted her to be okay, and he was afraid that if he wasn't around then she won't be. So maybe getting back with Camille wasn't an option, at least not at the moment. If he even wanted to of course, of that answer he wasn't quite sure.

"I don't know if I want another chance with her." Logan told James. It was the truth, but he wanted to see how James would react.

"Are you and Maddy like-?"

"No," he shook his head, "I just, I don't know."

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><p>He ended up knocking on her door. Logan just wanted to get it over with. It probably wasn't how he should think about congratulating a friend, but everyone was looking at him like he was a terrible person when he replied that no, he hadn't congratulated Camille yet.<p>

When she answered the door, her cheeks were flushed, her eyes were red and her make-up was smeared. Concern immediately kicked in.

"Camille? What's wrong? Are you all right?"

She let him in and shut the door behind him. She stood there by the door, shoulders hunched; face crumpled as she wiped her tears and tried to nod.

Any hesitation disappeared and Logan converted into "good friend" mode. He put his arms around Camille and pulled her close to him, her head pressed to his chest, he stroked her hair and shushed her softly. He held her there for a long while until her sobs eased into hiccups.

When she pulled back, puffy eyes, blotchy cheeks, Logan felt this tug on his heart. He still cared about Camille. As much as he'd been repressing the feelings, trying to hide them, willing them to go away, they hadn't. Not really anyways. Seeing her like this made him realize it, he still felt something for her, whether it was as strong as it used to be or not, Logan couldn't really tell at the moment. But seeing her like this made him worried, concerned, upset.

"What happened?" he asked quietly, holding her face in his hands, brushing her cheeks with his thumb, trying to wipe away the remaining tears.

"He broke up with me." She managed through her broken breathing.

Logan frowned. Was she this broken up when he ended things with her? He pulled her back into his arms and held her against him. What was he supposed to say? He didn't know, so he just let her cry.

They sat on her couch, and she leaned into Logan. He kept his arm around her and didn't say anything about the stains her make-up was leaving on his shirt.

It felt odd to be back in Camille's apartment. It had been months since he'd stepped inside. The last time he'd been in there they were friends with benefits, it was before she started dating Steve. The time before that, they'd been a couple. Now what were they? Friends? Maybe. More like acquaintances. It was kind of sad what happened to them. How they grew apart. When Logan broke up with her he never really meant for them to stop being friends, just not dating. When he became friends with Madison he didn't mean to push her out of his life. He didn't really, she took herself out of it, and that resulted in him having a great friendship with Maddy. But the word friendship put with Maddy's name made him feel uneasy. It was accurate, they were friends, but Logan was beginning to see that maybe he didn't just want to be friends with her. Maybe he did want to date her. She was beautiful and amazed him, she puzzled him and worried him, she made Logan feel and think about a lot more that other people did.

"Logan," Camille said sitting up and wiping her eyes as best she could. Most of her make-up was gone, all on his shirt now. Her eyes were still puffy and red, her skin tone still blotchy and uneven. "Thank you."

He shrugged, putting his hands together and leaning forward, elbows on his knees. "No problem." He replied, "I wanted to congratulate you too, on your role and all."

Suddenly she was kissing him. She leaned in and cupped his cheeks, pressing her lips to his. Logan froze up, his body tensed. What was she doing? What was he supposed to do?

After a moment she pulled away and Logan looked at her with questioning eyes. "What-?"

"Logan," she said, "please just kiss me."

"Camille, I –"

She cut him off, crashing onto his lips again; kissing him hard with her eyes squeezed shut, pushing her body against his. Every part of him told her to get her off, tell her no. But he didn't. He gave in to her. His hands moved to her waist and connected their hips. He opened his mouth and kissed her back the way she was begging to be kissed.

It brought him back to all those times she pulled him in to an empty closet, when she came over to the empty apartment, when she snuck him in to her apartment, going to movies and doing anything but watching the movie. They'd been quite physical in their relationship, something Logan rather enjoyed. But this, here, now, it felt wrong. He shouldn't be kissing her like this, or at all. He shouldn't have his hand up her shirt, and she shouldn't be pulling on his short hair as their tongues danced, back and forth from one mouth to another. This was the way they used to be, they weren't like this anymore.

She ran her bony fingers up and along his torso, across his chest, feeling him the way she used to. His hands roamed her body, tracing the curves that he knew so well, every part of her figure was familiar to him.

"Camille," he breathed as she kissed down his neck. She knew all his tender spots, and she sabotaged him as he tried to reason. "We can't."

"Why not?" Her breath was hot against his neck. "We used to."

"Not anymore."

She sat up on his hips and looked down at him with her dark eyes. "Just one time Logan. It won't change anything, just once, please?" She leaned down again and kissed the corners of his mouth.

Tell her no. Just tell her no.

He didn't.

He let her kiss him again and when she unbuttoned his jeans, he pulled off her shirt.

It didn't change anything. Just like Camille said. When she saw him, she only smiled. But when he saw her, guilt plagued him.

He shouldn't have done it. He wasn't even quite sure why he did. Maybe it was because he felt bad for her, maybe it was because his teenage hormones were raging and he hadn't had any action in a long time, it couldn't have been the feelings he had for her left over. If it had been he wouldn't feel like this. But maybe it was a combination of all three. Whatever it was he wished that he'd been strong enough to say no. Camille had taken advantage of him, and now when he saw Maddy he felt like a terrible, terrible person.

She was clueless, walking around fine on the outside, dying on the inside for some cause still unknown to Logan. She was better than she'd been before, smelled less like cigarettes these days, more like the intoxicating vanilla that he adored.

But Logan was walking around with this unbearable feeling of guilt and regret, of shame like he had betrayed Madison somehow. Yet he hadn't, had he? They were not a couple, they were not in a relationship, she hadn't informed him of any romantic feelings and he hadn't done that either, so why did he feel like the world's biggest douche bag?

He wanted to tell her, but he didn't know if he should it wasn't like it was need to know information. Besides that, she hadn't told him anything that he was curious about or wanted to know besides the fact that she danced ballet and had her own personal villain named Aaron, he didn't even know why she referred to Aaron as a villain. Still, Logan felt like he had to tell her.

With a cigarette hanging languidly from her lips she leaned against the door frame of the sliding glass door that led out to the balcony in Buddha Bob's apartment. He watched her breathe in slowly smokeless air, and then put the stick back to her lips and breathe in the filth that surely was building up in her lungs. She was so beautiful, Logan adored her. It was the only way he could really describe it. He wanted to be near her constantly; the moment they left each other's presence he missed her. She was the last thing on his mind most nights as he pondered the reasons as to why she was so tortured. Logan didn't want to believe anything truly terrible had happened to her in the past. But with the damage done, how can he not assume the worst? He didn't like to let his mind wander there, to what might have happened to her, it could be nothing good, nothing less than evil. He thought of it often though, whatever may have happened to her, his mind skipping from one extreme to the next, his brow might have been becoming permanently furrowed and wrinkled because of it.

She tucked a piece of her blonde hair behind her ear, and with the sun hitting her face in just the right angle, her green eyes look transparent. She closed those mesmerizing eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath in, Logan watched her chest rise and stay for a moment before falling. She still looked so tired. Less haunted but so fatigued. What was she plagued by? Was she sick or did she have trouble sleeping? Logan wanted to know, he wanted to help her. She always said that him just being around helped, but he didn't know whether or not to believe that. He felt like he was doing nothing, he felt helpless. She wouldn't let him in.

"My parents are coming to pick me up." She said quietly.

"Will you be gone long?"

Logan felt selfish, hating when her parents came to pick her up, to take her away from him. But at the same time, he was glad that she was mending her relationship with them. It also worried him, scared him even. Would she leave then? If her relationship with her parents healed enough, would they take her home? Would they take her out of his life? He didn't want that.

She shook her head, "Only out to dinner. I'll be back tonight."

Logan nodded and looked back down at his feet. He felt so guilty, wanting Maddy so much, but sleeping with Camille. How could he have done it? Why couldn't he have just said no?

"You look down." She commented.

He was down.

"I've got to tell you something." He said slowly.

Their eyes met and Logan felt his stomach knot. "I slept with Camille."

Her expression doesn't change. Blank and beautiful. Either it didn't matter to her or she was a master at hiding what she was feeling. It could have been either.

They stood together in silence. The chill air of late November made Logan shiver, the lack of response from Maddy wasn't helping either. Couldn't she at least say something?

Eventually, she nodded, flicking her cigarette and casting her gaze down towards the empty pool. Anything would be better than apathy. He would rather her get angry, break down and cry, cheer him on, anything but indifference.

"I didn't mean for it to happen." He elaborated. "I went to congratulate her, she was crying, she asked me to, and I just didn't know what to do."

Once he'd explained he wasn't quite sure if that made it worse. It sounded kind of terrible, like he'd given her pity-fuck, which, well, he had, but it sounded bad.

"I'm sorry." He said meeting her eyes. But he wasn't quite sure why he said it.

"What are you sorry for?"

He didn't know. He didn't know how she was feeling, she wouldn't let him see. Maybe it was just something to say. But looking into her green eyes, he felt like it was the right thing to say.

He opened his mouth to speak but Buddha Bob appeared at the doorway and called out to Madison, "They're here!"

She nodded at him and put out her cigarette in the home made, aluminum ash tray. Gracefully she pushed off the frame with one of her shoulders and turned to go inside. Logan followed suit, looking considerably less elegant.

Maddy pulled her stylish leather jacket off the chair it hung on and slipped it on. She gave Buddha Bob a kiss on the cheek, then she was out the door, Logan following behind her. She hadn't asked him to escort her, and he was pretty sure that at the moment she probably didn't want him to, but he did anyways.

Their journey through the halls was silent and Logan's hand remained lonely at his side. He frowned as he walked, Maddy always grabbed his hand when they were alone together. It gave her some sense of security, but her hands swung back and forth as she walked, not reaching out towards Logan. His confession had hurt her. He could see it, feel it radiating off of her. She was good at hiding her emotions, it was some kind of defense mechanism, and nonchalance always gave her the upper hand, much like James's feigned stupidity did the same for him. But Logan had come to know Madison, and she gave herself away in her subtleties. Not taking his hand, a lack of response, looking down as she walked. These traits were uncharacteristic of Maddy. He doubted anyone else would notice, they were barely there, but they were there.

They reached the lobby, still cloaked in silence. He wondered if she would even say goodbye to him once he'd walked her out of the lobby. What happened now? For the first time Logan had hurt Maddy instead of making her feel better. He was a criminal deserving of death for such an offense.

They were passing Mr. Bitter's desk when they heard, "Maddy! Hey, is that you?"

The pair turned around and saw a girl, small and petite, her dark brown hair was parted and braided down both sides, hanging over her shoulders.

Madison froze, her body tensed, Logan looked from her to the new girl. They knew each other?

She came bounding over, her braids bouncing, and a smile a little bit too wide. She threw her arms around Maddy and hugged her so hard Logan thought that she would break. When the girl finally let go Maddy still looked tense, she faked a smile.

"Hey, Ally." Madison said.

"Maddy! I didn't know this is where you were now. I'd have let you known I was coming to stay here."

"You are?" her voice slipped, and her brows furrowed.

Either Ally didn't catch it or didn't acknowledge it, but she just kept on smiling bubbly. "Yeah, I got picked up by a dance company, nothing major, at least not yet, but the Palm Woods is a lot closer to the studio than where we used to live."

"Oh." She nodded.

"How are you?" Ally asked, her expression changing suddenly. Excitement to concern. It occurred to Logan that Ally might know what was wrong with Maddy, maybe she would be his ticket to finding out all the things Maddy wouldn't tell him.

Maddy shifted her weight slightly leaning towards Logan and looked towards the floor. She shrugged, "I've been good, better than I was."

Ally glanced at Logan for the first time and asked, "Is this your new boyfriend? He's cute."

Logan managed a smile. Madison met his eyes for a moment and then shook her head, "Just friends."

The words stabbed him.

"Well, hey, Ally my parents are waiting for me outside, taking me out to dinner, family kind of stuff, but get in touch, okay? We'll talk."

Ally nodded and just as Logan and Maddy began to walk away again she reached and grabbed Maddy's wrist. "Aaron has been asking about you."

Maddy's face went blank. She nodded and continued on her way. Logan stood beside her for a moment as a black car pulled out of its parking spot and pulled around to the front.

She looked up at him, "I'll see you later."

He felt like he had something to say, but the words wouldn't form and his mind couldn't put them together. So he just let her go. He didn't even know what he wanted or needed to say to her.

Later that night Logan lied awake in bed staring up at the ceiling, the sound of Carlos's snoring was easily tuned out now by training. Logan just saw Maddy, her face when he told her, her face when she saw Ally, her face when she heard the name Aaron. It seemed to lose her expression was the only way she knew how to react to something she maybe wasn't prepared for, maybe something she didn't want to hear.

But what Logan was really thinking about was when she said "just friends." Had he condemned himself to be there forever by telling Maddy about Camille?

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><p><strong>AN:**So, just because I'm not ready to jump straight into all of Maddy's problems, I threw in some Logan drama. But! Just so you all know, the next chapter is probably going to be long, and you will dun, dun, duh! Meet Aaron. In the next chapter. Guess that means you have to stick around huh?

Reviews please?


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **Sorry this took so long! Things will get stirred up in the next chapter. Sorry if this one is super angsty. Lyrics in this chapter are from The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot – Brand New

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><p>Sun Down<p>

**Chapter Ten **

_If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state. You can keep to yourself, I'll keep out of your way. _

She was regressing. All the progress that Madison had made, letting him in, smiling, rarely smoking, telling him things that she hadn't told other people in a long time, keeping him close, holding his hand, all of it was disappearing. She was shrinking back, receding back into herself. It was happening right before his eyes and it was all happening so fast. How long had it taken for her to get here? It was being ruined and Logan didn't know why.

Had he done something? Was this his fault? What happened? She was a photograph fading before his eyes. Her eyes grew hollow and her smiles more fake and less frequent. She was disappearing behind the clouds of smoke that came from her cigarette, pouring out of her lungs. But Logan was desperately trying to keep a hold on her. He was afraid that if he blinked, he'd lose sight of her, and he wouldn't be able to find her again.

What Logan really wanted to know was, why? It was the one question always on his mind when it came to Maddy and for so many different reasons. Why was she sad, why was she at the palm woods, why couldn't she dance anymore, and currently why was she falling apart again? Hadn't she been making progress? Becoming a happier person? Or had it all been a charade and she finally couldn't keep up the show anymore?

He kept thinking that it was because he told her about Camille.

She sat with her knees pulled to her chest on a pool chair, in sweats and a boy's sweater that was a few sizes too big for her, with a cigarette between her lips and dark sunglasses covering her pretty eyes. She had gone out for the weekend, told Logan that she was going to see her parents, but Buddha Bob that she was spending the weekend that girl she knew from West Hollywood, Ally. Logan didn't tell him that they had been told different stories and he didn't bother asking Ally if she knew where Madison was because it was obvious she didn't, as she had come back to the palm woods late, her legs around some guys waist, and his tongue in her mouth. Not to mention it just wasn't worth interrupting.

When Maddy returned to the Palm Woods, she looked like she had when he met her by the wishing well, so lost, so broken. He wondered where she was, but he wouldn't tell her that he knew she wasn't with her parents. When he'd asked how her time with them was, she looked at him like she'd forgotten the lie she'd told and then she shrugged, said they were fine. It was fine. Everything was fine. Except they weren't. The skin under her eyes was dark and purplish like she had slept in days, if he didn't know better; he'd say it looked like she had a black eye. She looked so frail. Logan didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to help. Or if he even could. He looked at Madison and wished fiercely with his entire being for her to be well. He just wanted to see her happy. Why couldn't she be? What was holding her back?

"Maddy?"

She flicked her cigarette and looked towards him. Logan opened his mouth to say something she the words feel short of his lips and so he said nothing. She continued to look at him through the dark sunglasses even though the last light of the sun was fading now.

She looked away and put the cigarette out. "I'm going back to my room, do you want to come?"

She had extended the invitation, but if felt like she didn't want him to take it. At the same time, Logan felt like if he left her alone again she'd slip through his fingers. Lose her to a world that had damaged her, and couldn't see her.

So he stood up and followed behind her into the lobby and then into the elevator past people that they knew but he had tunnel vision and Maddy was all he could see. She was consuming him. Was this healthy? For him to be so… so whatever he was? Concerned, infatuated with, adoring, they all fit. While he was so worried about what was happening to her, what was becoming of Logan? He was cutting everyone else off, isolating himself, just so he could spend all of his time with Maddy and now she didn't even want him to. What was he supposed to do now?

They sat alone in Buddha Bob's apartment, Maddy put on a CD and it played softly in the background. She reclined on one end of the couch, the big sweater, like a pool around her, and a magazine in her hands. Logan just looked at her. She was so beautiful and now she was wearing some guy's sweater. It wasn't his, and she'd never worn it before. It made Logan wonder if she had spent the weekend with the sweater's owner. If she had, was it to get back at him for Camille?

"Maddy?" He said again.

"Yes?" She didn't look up from her magazine.

"Do you want me to leave?"

She stopped moving, and closed her eyes. When she didn't say anything, Logan nodded to himself. It was okay. He had messed up. He deserved this. He should have said no to Camille. He shouldn't have told Maddy about it. Whatever it was, he did this. Logan stood and grabbed his jacket from off the couch. He took his time shrugging it on, knowing better than to hope for Madison to stop him.

As he walked past the couch, he leaned over and kissed the top of Maddy's head and said quietly, "I'm sorry."

She didn't stop him. So Logan left. He would leave her alone until she wanted him back in her life. He deserved to be punished for hurting her even if she acted like it hadn't hurt. When he reached the lobby, Ally was waiting for him. He'd only talked to her once, but there she was, her arms crossed when she saw him.

He quirked a brow not knowing exactly what he had done to deserve this from her.

"Logan, right?" She said looking up at him.

"Ally, right?" he mimicked.

"Yeah," she said, "can I have a talk with you?"

He shrugged. Was she going to tear him to pieces because he had hurt Maddy? Did she even know? Maddy hadn't talked about hanging out with her, and from Maddy's reaction when she first saw Ally at the Palm Woods, she didn't seem thrilled to see her.

Logan followed Ally out into the crisp evening air of the first week in December. He pulled his jacket closer and looked down at the small girl. She looked like something out of a little girl's clothing ad. Black leggings, Uggs, a bright pink sweater, striped scarf and matching earmuffs around her neck. Logan didn't know if he would be able to take her seriously if she yelled at him.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Where was Maddy this weekend?"

He gulped. "She told me she was with her parents."

"She told me she was with you." Ally said sounding kind of distressed.

"She told her uncle she was with you." Logan said quietly. They stood there together in silence for a moment. Then Logan asked, "What's happening with her?"

Ally looked up at him with this look in her eyes, like she wanted to tell him everything but she was being held back by something. "It's not really my place to tell."

"Well, she won't tell me."

Ally bit her lip. "Damn it, Logan. She was supposed to be getting better here."

"I don't know what was wrong with her, but she was, she was better than when I first met her. It's just, she just… she left this weekend and came back worse that she was before."

"It's Aaron."

That name had not slipped from Maddy's lips in a while. Her hero, her villain. She hadn't mentioned him in a long time.

"That sweater she's wearing is his."

"Who is he?" Logan asked.

"Her ex-boyfriend." Ally said quietly.

"Why is he so bad?"

"I-I can't tell you. Maddy would have to."

Suddenly Logan was mad. If this guy was the reason for all of Maddy's displeasure, the reason for all her sadness, and her insecurities, the reason she was the way she was, then why wouldn't Ally tell him? But at the same time, even if she did, and Aaron was the worst thing that Logan could possibly imagine, what would he be able to do that could help?

"So what?" Logan said trying not to show he was irritated. "Did she see him or something?"

"I really hope not."

"You aren't being helpful, Ally." He said a bit more harshly than he had planned. She met his eyes and apologized. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her bright sweater, looking once again like a child. He felt bad.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you, I just really…. I really care about Maddy and she won't ever tell me what's wrong. She was doing so well and then, now, she's going back to how she used to be."

"I'm sorry Logan. All I can really tell you is that he's not a good person. She's here at the Palm Woods to get away from him." Ally looked up at him with big sad eyes before turning away, leaving him out in the cold air, and retuning back to the warmth of the Palm Wood's lobby.

Logan sighed watching his breath come out in clouds. What was he supposed to do here? When did he take on Maddy as his own responsibility? When did he start trying to be Maddy's hero? When did he become the guy who was trying to save the girl that didn't want to be saved?

Was Maddy going back to her Aaron, her ex-boyfriend? If he was so terrible, why would she?

Why did he have so many questions? He just wanted life to be simple again. He wanted it to be the way it was before Maddy was around. He wanted to walk around with his friends. He wanted to hang out with them. He didn't like this constant feeling that nagged on him to the very depth of his soul, wondering if Maddy was alright. He didn't like the anxiety that came with trying to figure her out. He didn't like always being on the outside. He didn't like how she couldn't trust him. But at the same time, who had he been before Maddy? He'd been pathetic. People walked all over him, they used him, abused him, made him the butt of their jokes. Now when people saw him walk around with Maddy, she was like a trophy. A badge of honor that he wore on his arm. Just being seen with someone so beautiful had to mean something. Seas of people parted for them as they walked together, a beautiful girl accompanied by a not too bad looking guy. Normally it would be James with someone like her. But she had chosen Logan. Maybe she had seen something in him. Maybe she was placing some hope in him. Hope that he was smart enough, and strong enough to figure out what was wrong and save her. But then again, she'd never asked for his help. She was just using him as an escape from the problems that plagued her young life. Problems that Logan had yet to be informed of. But even if Maddy was just using him to get away from the rest of the world, what was so wrong with that? He enjoyed her company, her conversation, her presence. He was memorized by her eyes, and dazed by her smile, enchanted by her voice, and enamored with the way she moved. Maddy was someone that Logan had never been and wasn't sure that he could be. Maybe that was why he was so drawn to her. She was beautiful, calm, cool, collected, smart, elegant, and confident. Even if it was all just a charade, at least she could keep up the façade; Logan had never even been able to pretend he was something special. He just was what he was. A nerd, someone to overlook, he would never matter as much as someone like James or Kendall, even Carlos who with no great looks, or real talent (before BTR was formed of course and his rough edges were smoothed, and the discovery of his voice and rhythm) forced himself to be noticed. Logan had always just been the character in the background. The one in the book who played a small role, but in the movie wasn't even given a name. But being around Maddy changed that. He liked the way he felt around her, even if it did come with some side effects.

Back in 2J things were quiet, which was a surprise. Things were never quiet in 2J. Only Mrs. Knight was in the apartment, and she was already curled up on her bed watching soap operas. So Logan, all by his lonesome, went upstairs, showered, changed into a sweater and some flannel pajama bottoms, and got into bed, even though it was only eight.

He didn't hear Carlos come in, but when he woke up the next morning the other boy was snoring across the room. Logan went about his daily routine. But everything seemed so much slower. He felt like he was missing whatever gave him the motivation to get up in the morning. He didn't respond to anyone, he just got dressed ate breakfast and left. He spaced out and didn't even see Camille get on the elevator until she nudged him.

"Oh," he said, "hey."

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He didn't say anything. He probably wouldn't be feeling like this if he hadn't slept with her.

After a few moments of silence she said, "Steve and I got back together."

Logan just nodded. He didn't care. He hoped that they stayed together and had a nice life so that she wouldn't force him to sleep with her anymore and ruin his life.

They got off the elevator and Camille gave him a concerned look, but Logan didn't care. He shrugged it off. When class started and Madison didn't show up Logan didn't do anything. He didn't pull out his notebook, he didn't take notes, he just didn't do anything. He could feel people looking at him, but it was whatever. He was feeling so apathetic today.

He declined offers to go ice skating downtown at the outdoor rink, he declined offers to hit the Jacuzzi and have a winter time jam session. Logan just wanted to be alone. This was all his fault, wasn't it? It was his fault that Maddy was sad again. It was his fault that she went back to Aaron after doing so well. Maybe she felt unwanted. How he could have made her feel that way? He was such a bad person. All because he couldn't say no to Camille. Why hadn't he?

Logan sat alone in the apartment. Everyone else went out to do something including Katie, and Mrs. Knight had finally gotten a job as a receptionist and some PR office downtown. It was a step up from waitressing for sure.

Logan wished that he could play an instrument. It was a way of expressing emotions. It was something that he wanted to do at the moment, let the world know just how sorry he was. He often watched Kendall and James play the guitar when they were upset or happy, or even bored. Kendall played more the guitar more than James. He played it when he had a fight with Jo, when he didn't have anything else to do. James could play many instruments but he favored the piano, and often stayed late at the studio to write and play new songs. Logan was envious; he'd never learned to play music, his parents focusing all on the academic rather than the artistic. But he wished he could play. He'd be able to express things that were hard to put into words.

There was a knock on the door. He didn't bother guessing at who it would be. Carlos almost never remembered to bring his key. So he swung the door open, expecting to be able to turn away the moment it was open. But when he saw Maddy standing there, he kind of froze.

She looked into his eyes, the difference in height not really enough to make her look up. Logan didn't know what to do, what to say. He hadn't expected to see her. He thought that he'd lost her. But there she stood, still clad in her pajamas, ones that Logan recognized as her favorite pair, the ones she wore most often. Her hair was piled high on her head into a lazy bun, and for the first time since he'd told her about the incident with Camille, she looked rested, the dark circles under her eyes had disappeared.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey." He managed.

"Can I come in?"

Logan stepped aside and let Maddy into the empty apartment. He shut the door behind her and she waited for him to accompany her into the living room onto the orange couch. She sat and Logan sat a respectable distance from her. She didn't say anything for a while, just twiddled her thumbs, but Logan had learned to become content with her silence and he was more than satisfied to watch her eyes flicker across the room, as she tugged on the sleeves of her sweater and she swung her knees slightly. Maddy was not one for fidgeting, she was an old, patient soul, full of wisdom beyond her years, having dealt with things, Logan assumed, that she probably shouldn't have. The fact that she was moving in such a nervous manner, was curious to him, he wasn't used to it.

Finally she spoke. "I'm sorry."

Logan blinked. What did she have to be sorry for?

"I've been cold towards you." She said on cue as if reading his mind.

Logan shook his head, "it was nothing I didn't deserve."

"I disagree."

"Maddy, I obviously hurt your feelings and that was the last thing I wanted. I felt that it was just punishment."

"It shouldn't have bothered me though." She said quietly, stilling herself, standing down at the frayed cuffs of her old sweater.

"But it did." Logan said it but he wasn't quite sure how he meant it. Was it a question or a statement? He'd known it had, but to what degree he hadn't been aware. For her to feel that her actions and behaviors towards him were worth apologizing for had to mean something, right?

"Yeah." It was barely above a whisper, and if Logan hadn't become accustomed to the sound of her soft voice than he probably wouldn't have heard it.

"Why?" He asked. It was a painful question. He was going to make her admit that she had feelings for him or some other truth was about to be told. Either way, he deserved the look he received from her. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. "I like you."

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><p><strong>AN:** So how was it? Sorry, I lied; Aaron is in the next chapter. He was supposed to be in this one, but the angst got the better of me and I just kept going. I hope it wasn't too bad. Anyways, hope you liked it.

Review!


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